The Journey from Abandonment to Healing
Like Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's groundbreaking On Death and Dying , Susan Anderson's book clearly defines the five phases of a different kind of grieving--grieving over a lost relationship. An experienced professional who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment for more than two decades, Susan Anderson gives this subject the serious attention it deserves. The Journey From Abandonment to Healing is designed to help all victims of emotional breakups--whether they are suffering from a recent loss, or a lingering wound from the past; whether they are caught up in patterns that sabotage their own relationships, or they're in a relationship where they no longer feel loved. From the first stunning blow to starting over, it provides a complete program for abandonment recovery. "If there can be a pill to cure the heartbreak of rejection, this book may be it."-- Rabbi Harold Kushner, bestselling author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People In the tradition of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's On Death and Dying --but dealing with the grief over the loss of a relationship Helps readers work through the five universal phases of abandonment: shattering, withdrawal, internalizing, rage, lifting Includes hands-on exercises for managing pain and rediscovering the capacity for love

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing Details

TitleThe Journey from Abandonment to Healing
Author
ReleaseMar 1st, 2000
PublisherPenguin USA
ISBN-139780425172285
Rating
GenreSelf Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Personal Development, Social Science, Social Work, Health, Spirituality

The Journey from Abandonment to Healing Review

  • Martha
    January 1, 1970
    This is one of those books, as most self-help books are, that is amazing and life-changing IF it catches you at the right moment of life and it applies to you. These things happened to line up for me and this book was an enormous help. The reason I bought it was for help with divorce recovery and it did help me deal with my grief and recognize some patterns from my previous relationship that were not good for anyone. More importantly, though, it re-introduced me to myself. I practiced all the ex This is one of those books, as most self-help books are, that is amazing and life-changing IF it catches you at the right moment of life and it applies to you. These things happened to line up for me and this book was an enormous help. The reason I bought it was for help with divorce recovery and it did help me deal with my grief and recognize some patterns from my previous relationship that were not good for anyone. More importantly, though, it re-introduced me to myself. I practiced all the exercises in the book and yes, they did take a little time, but they were enormously enlightening for me. Some of them I only did once and others I keep in my toolbag and pull out whenever I need them. There is still work to be done, but I truly feel like I know myself and my situation better for having read this book and taken its ideas into my life.
    more
  • Sandy
    January 1, 1970
    I gave this book five stars because the concepts Susan Anderson shares significantly helped me deal with the painful feelings of grief after a divorce. I received so much empathy and wisdom from her words and ideas. I'm looking at my old copy now, seven years later: yellow marker highlights throughout. I had read and studied many, many self-help books about relationships, healing, and love, and have 'been there-done that' with personal growth workshops...a bit of a hobby in my early 30s. With th I gave this book five stars because the concepts Susan Anderson shares significantly helped me deal with the painful feelings of grief after a divorce. I received so much empathy and wisdom from her words and ideas. I'm looking at my old copy now, seven years later: yellow marker highlights throughout. I had read and studied many, many self-help books about relationships, healing, and love, and have 'been there-done that' with personal growth workshops...a bit of a hobby in my early 30s. With that, I can say there's a lot of good stuff out there to help people and a lot of junk. No junk or fluff here. The author of The Journey takes a thorough, mature, and very compassionate approach to surviving a love loss and...later, when you're ready...reaching out to love again.
    more
  • Randye Kaye
    January 1, 1970
    I have just finished narrating this audiobook - well, actually the revised/updated edition, coming out on September 2, 2014 - and learned a lot in the process! Abandonment is a more widespread concept than I had realized, and many of us can relate to the five stages (and exercises) outlined here. Susan Anderson illustrates all of her concepts with stories from her abandonment support groups, which makes it very accessible. Life is growth, love, connection, learning...and this book will help you I have just finished narrating this audiobook - well, actually the revised/updated edition, coming out on September 2, 2014 - and learned a lot in the process! Abandonment is a more widespread concept than I had realized, and many of us can relate to the five stages (and exercises) outlined here. Susan Anderson illustrates all of her concepts with stories from her abandonment support groups, which makes it very accessible. Life is growth, love, connection, learning...and this book will help you find and break past your obstacles. Enjoy!
    more
  • Yue
    January 1, 1970
    Okay. I like how this book talks about abandonment recovery in a cool scientific perspective and how one may go through all the stages over and over again. It makes a lot of sense and helps with acceptance of all the grief. However, I don't like that the author subscribes to Freudian psychoanalysis so fondly and relates everything back to childhood experience and talks about separation anxiety at birth. Well, just personal opinion about psychoanalysis I guess. So if you like Freud, you may like Okay. I like how this book talks about abandonment recovery in a cool scientific perspective and how one may go through all the stages over and over again. It makes a lot of sense and helps with acceptance of all the grief. However, I don't like that the author subscribes to Freudian psychoanalysis so fondly and relates everything back to childhood experience and talks about separation anxiety at birth. Well, just personal opinion about psychoanalysis I guess. So if you like Freud, you may like it.What really makes me frown is that, reading about all the depressing stories and traumatizing wounds in this book actually makes me even more depressed and hopeless. One can lose a partner of decades to someone else all of a sudden even if they were perfectly happy just days before?! I don't know how I can handle something like that. Might as well stay single for the rest of my life.
    more
  • D.
    January 1, 1970
    Some of the practical exercises were a little far-out and time-consuming to me but the rest of the book was very informative and helpful. Good explanation of abandonment issues and how our childhood baggage can adversely affect our adulthood, especially in regards to our interpersonal relationships. Gives stages of abandonment (similar to grief stages). The last chapter sums up abandonment in a very unique way with an analogy of a parade, the participants and the ones on the sidelines.
    more
  • Chelsea
    January 1, 1970
    I was following a relationship blog a little over a year ago and this book seemed all the rage. I bought it, read it, and found myself a little disappointed. It was not a bad book per se, but I just could not get on board with the hard-sciency explanations of grief and abandonment. Not that I think they do not have physiological manifestations- they do- but I don't know, something about the way the author turned it into a textbook, and then tried to turn it back into a (somewhat hokey) self-help I was following a relationship blog a little over a year ago and this book seemed all the rage. I bought it, read it, and found myself a little disappointed. It was not a bad book per se, but I just could not get on board with the hard-sciency explanations of grief and abandonment. Not that I think they do not have physiological manifestations- they do- but I don't know, something about the way the author turned it into a textbook, and then tried to turn it back into a (somewhat hokey) self-help book with exercises based on visualizations, etcetera, made it seem like it didn't really know what it was aiming for. Just didn't work for me.Though, very helpful in the way of affirming and validating your experience of heartbreak, because the devastation and grief of that is far too overlooked, and anderson does well to draw attention to that.
    more
  • Rob
    January 1, 1970
    Read this book.Facing death in the family? A divorce? Desertion by a trusted friend?Written by someone who has lived through the same challenges you face now, and filled with insights and commentary from numerous others, this book will be your guide.It articulates the things you're struggling with. It gives you a vocabulary to make sense of this new world. And most importantly it gives you a process for working through your emotions to heal, and find the opportunity in your crisis.If this sounds Read this book.Facing death in the family? A divorce? Desertion by a trusted friend?Written by someone who has lived through the same challenges you face now, and filled with insights and commentary from numerous others, this book will be your guide.It articulates the things you're struggling with. It gives you a vocabulary to make sense of this new world. And most importantly it gives you a process for working through your emotions to heal, and find the opportunity in your crisis.If this sounds compelling, go and buy it now. Ration yourself a chapter a day. Work through the exercises outlined by Anderson. And experience the shift that takes place.And what if you aren't dealing with any abandonment right now?Make a note. Bookmark this as "just in case" for you, or someone you care about.
    more
  • Kiri Stewart
    January 1, 1970
    This book became more disappointing as it went on. The most that I got out of it was some validation for how I am feeling about a current abandonment trauma, but overall the book seems like it is the very personal process and experience of the author more than it has anything to do with brain science or well-researched case studies. The author often inserts her own abandonment experience into the book, and it comes across as doing her own therapy by writing the book.The whole Akeru concept is ba This book became more disappointing as it went on. The most that I got out of it was some validation for how I am feeling about a current abandonment trauma, but overall the book seems like it is the very personal process and experience of the author more than it has anything to do with brain science or well-researched case studies. The author often inserts her own abandonment experience into the book, and it comes across as doing her own therapy by writing the book.The whole Akeru concept is baffling. In the end, it feels more like a term applied to give validation to the content of the book than a real, relevant connection to healing. The Akeru exercises are sometimes bizarre, like conversations with your child self. The Rage chapter might be the longest of the book, and I couldn't help but wonder if that was because that was the primary experience of the author. All in all, the whole book felt like a lot of pseudo-science. It seems to be geared toward people who have never done any work on themselves before suffering an abandonment loss, and there is almost no spiritual component to the recovery process to be found. If you are a person of faith, I'm not sure there is much in here for you. Akeru appears to boil down to solipsism, really, which is a sketchy worldview, at best. I was glad to read the stories of other abandonment survivors and to see parallels in my own story, emotions and experience, but that was about all I got out of it. Maybe I just didn't read this at the right time, but I think it's more likely that this book is just not for me, regardless of the timing. The author felt too close to the subject matter and seemed to attempt to fill a void in professional study on abandonment loss which she freely admits to existing. Conjecture criticism aside, I didn't like the book and didn't feel helped by it.
    more
  • Nicole G.
    January 1, 1970
    Parts of this book were very good and helpful, and others, not so much. The constant referral back to childhood events seemed like too much of an easy target; it's something that would resonate with some people, but not necessarily all people. The book is also more Freudian in its approach than I would like. I did not do any of the exercises outlined in this book, such as the dialogues with one's inner child. My rating is closer to a 2.5 due to the hard science explanations, which I did apprecia Parts of this book were very good and helpful, and others, not so much. The constant referral back to childhood events seemed like too much of an easy target; it's something that would resonate with some people, but not necessarily all people. The book is also more Freudian in its approach than I would like. I did not do any of the exercises outlined in this book, such as the dialogues with one's inner child. My rating is closer to a 2.5 due to the hard science explanations, which I did appreciate.
    more
  • Jennifer
    January 1, 1970
    This book is having a profound affect on me. I LOVE the exercises. I do not have a partner who has left or is leaving me but I have huge abandonment issues. I have to change the words to work for my situation but it all resonates. Maybe this is a book that is right for the right time for me and I am thankful that I have it and am reading it now.
    more
  • Andrea
    January 1, 1970
    This book changed my life. Truly. I learned to recognize why I was making some of the choices I was making and how to make healthier choices. This book enabled me to get away from toxic people in my life and to surround myself with healthier ones. Also, how to recognize the difference and how not to be toxic.
    more
  • Hilary
    January 1, 1970
    If you find yourself in this situation, this book is tremendously helpful. The author tailors the stages of grief to the specific situation of grief combined with abandonment. I can't recommend it highly enough.
  • Vanessa
    January 1, 1970
    Validating and some helpful tools...her adoption of the Japanese concept of Akeru seemed kind of unnecessary and strange, a little apprioriative....some of it resonated some not so much, though I appreciate the trauma of abandonment being given serious and sensitive treatment.
    more
  • Bekki
    January 1, 1970
    For those of us with big-time daddy issues, this may be a life saver. At least a sanity saver. Great exercises for learning to be present, taking care of our younger you.
  • Lee
    January 1, 1970
    Fortunately this book doesn't come with a gallon of Vodka.
  • Robin
    January 1, 1970
    Reading this book was so enlightening. It has made me look at myself and my life in a whole new way. Recently, I found out that my last boyfriend was lying to me and cheating on me, finally moving on to the other woman, lying to her about our relationship, and even now still keeping emotional affairs going with at least two other women that I found out about after the fact, after he used me. This latest abandonment was on the coattails of a divorce from my husband of 19 years, which really began Reading this book was so enlightening. It has made me look at myself and my life in a whole new way. Recently, I found out that my last boyfriend was lying to me and cheating on me, finally moving on to the other woman, lying to her about our relationship, and even now still keeping emotional affairs going with at least two other women that I found out about after the fact, after he used me. This latest abandonment was on the coattails of a divorce from my husband of 19 years, which really began a couple of years before the divorce when he one day moved into the basement without any explanation or discussion. Also around this time, my addicted teenage sons rejected me to go live with their enabling parent, and my dad, who began the entire abandonment trauma years and years ago, passed away. To say that I have been spiraling would be an understatement. However, in the midst of that spiraling has been me, shouting to the universe and God for help and respite. The replies have come in small doses~ encounters with "angels" who have pointed me in different directions and nudges toward help where I can find what I need to move to a better place in an effort to make lasting changes. This book has definitely been one of those helps. In reading it, I discovered the reasons for the depths of my emotions, as well as ways to work through them. I have, throughout my life, found myself drawn to emotionally immature and unavailable men. The information I've gained from this book will definitely help to change that. I love that this book weaves explanations of the stages of abandonment healing with personal stories from the author's clients and then specific actions for me to take to heal my abandonment and move toward a more authentic commitment to love. As Anderson says, if I do this work, I can reclaim my heart and keep it open and increase my capacity for love, for myself and for others. That is what I am going to do~ take these experiences and these ineffective patterns that I've developed and transform myself so I can continue to develop my own self-love and my ability to love others, holding true to my core values of honesty and openness while continuing to become even more authentic. I am going to work through her workbook next, and I look forward to developing even more loving relationships in the future.
    more
  • Melissa Sisk
    January 1, 1970
    Overall, this book shares a lot of interesting ideas as well as established processes for working through difficult emotions and building healthy relationships with yourself and others. It delivers a compassionate and positive message. I think this book can touch you no matter what stage of life (or abandonment) you are in — but you have to have an open heart and mind while reading it. For example, I’m not a fan of the “Outer Child” theory, but there are principles in it that are important to th Overall, this book shares a lot of interesting ideas as well as established processes for working through difficult emotions and building healthy relationships with yourself and others. It delivers a compassionate and positive message. I think this book can touch you no matter what stage of life (or abandonment) you are in — but you have to have an open heart and mind while reading it. For example, I’m not a fan of the “Outer Child” theory, but there are principles in it that are important to the healing and growing process.Some reviewers have commented that the author talks too much about her personal experience with abandonment, but it rarely comes up. My opinion is that she uses it to empathize with her readers. My only other issue with the book, outside of my dubiousness with the “Outer Child,” is her use of patient stories. There are too many stories and they are too conveniently placed, which led to me feeling that they were insincere. Also, she used many of these stories to plug abandonment groups.With this said, I would recommend this book to anyone that feels they have been abandoned, in childhood and/or adulthood, as well as those who struggle with emotion regulation (particularly those who have had to detach from their feelings too often).
    more
  • Magz
    January 1, 1970
    Not bad. She seems to know a fair bit about abandonment in her many years of research and practice. The author also offers some easy healing techniques to practice. Has some good points through out the book. Surprising what “abandonment” covers, and the different side affects and health problems it causes in different people, the many ways it can affect our lives and our outlook often without us even realising. It can even change how we feel about ourselves. From death to desertion it covers eve Not bad. She seems to know a fair bit about abandonment in her many years of research and practice. The author also offers some easy healing techniques to practice. Has some good points through out the book. Surprising what “abandonment” covers, and the different side affects and health problems it causes in different people, the many ways it can affect our lives and our outlook often without us even realising. It can even change how we feel about ourselves. From death to desertion it covers every form of abandonment. Mostly easy to read and understand. A journey from abandonment to healing most importantly teaches us that it is possible to self improve, self love, and begin to heal ourselves. I would recommend this book to anyone who has been affected by abandonment. Helpful and insightful. I have the paperback and also on audio, both are good.
    more
  • Nikki Brown
    January 1, 1970
    I got this book right when I needed it, at the most cruel end of what was supposed to be a life long relationship. Had I found it at any other time it would not have made an impact. But I happened upon it right when I needed it, and walked through the stages of abandonment grief and the deeply meaningful and powerful practical exercises in my life at the same time as in the reading of this work. So much has come of my experience with the guidance of this work that I am now very grateful for. It I got this book right when I needed it, at the most cruel end of what was supposed to be a life long relationship. Had I found it at any other time it would not have made an impact. But I happened upon it right when I needed it, and walked through the stages of abandonment grief and the deeply meaningful and powerful practical exercises in my life at the same time as in the reading of this work. So much has come of my experience with the guidance of this work that I am now very grateful for. It even inspired me to create a series of paintings to chronicle the passing of the stages of grief, which I have shared on instagram. Two recommendations - 1. Read it when you need it, not just for fun. And 2. If you are in the thick of being abandoned, the audiobook may be better for you. Just the effort of reading may be a bit much. Susan Anderson, thank you for writing this book.
    more
  • Donna
    January 1, 1970
    Akeru, and ending and a beginning... Wonderful book for those in pain with abandonment. So much information, about why this happens, and how your brain works, and what to do about it.. Gives simple but important exercises to practice to get to the work on the problem. And eventually healing.. You will need a highlighters, (I used many!) and book markers or flags. I took my time reading because I wanted to really understand and think about what she was saying, and I have already recommended this Akeru, and ending and a beginning... Wonderful book for those in pain with abandonment. So much information, about why this happens, and how your brain works, and what to do about it.. Gives simple but important exercises to practice to get to the work on the problem. And eventually healing.. You will need a highlighters, (I used many!) and book markers or flags. I took my time reading because I wanted to really understand and think about what she was saying, and I have already recommended this book to many suffering and hurting people, struggling to break free.. Great book.
    more
  • Carol
    January 1, 1970
    Highly recommend this book for anyone who has been through a break up or divorce but also for anyone who was abandoned as a child. A wealth of understanding is shared regarding feelings and emotions coupled with wisdom and discernment that gets to the core of the matter.There is an exercise that I highly recommend the reader explore as specified because it works. It’s a creation of a safe place which empowers the creator and allows for strength during times of fear or when emotional situations p Highly recommend this book for anyone who has been through a break up or divorce but also for anyone who was abandoned as a child. A wealth of understanding is shared regarding feelings and emotions coupled with wisdom and discernment that gets to the core of the matter.There is an exercise that I highly recommend the reader explore as specified because it works. It’s a creation of a safe place which empowers the creator and allows for strength during times of fear or when emotional situations pop up unexpectedly.
    more
  • Alison
    January 1, 1970
    "I started to think about the millions of people who've suffered this experience before me and the millions to come. I was on intimate terms with human pain ... and I knew I was forever changed by this knowledge. Painful as this was, it was a gift I would never give away. It made me intensely human."Possibly the best post-breakup book I've ever encountered. The 5 stages of abandonment help put the pain of a breakup into perspective.
    more
  • Josephine Florendo
    January 1, 1970
    This book takes you on a journey from your childhood into adulthood, allowing you to heal the effects of past & present abandonment and loss. It allowed me to pinpoint where I am in my journey (currently at the end of rage, beginning of lifting). If we do not heal the wounds of our past, we find ourselves in similar relationships and patterns. This book helps break that pattern and paves the way to a new & better life, free from toxic relationships.
    more
  • Shaula Antares
    January 1, 1970
    Very neat. Clear explanations and examples as the author goes over the different stages. It really allowed me to put things into perspective by understanding what happens in the body/brain in different situations. As a thinker, knowing what, how, and when allows me to better manage my emotions. Would definitely recommend this book.
    more
  • Daniel Stern
    January 1, 1970
    This is a life changing book, whether you were the result of an unwanted pregnancy, had trauma from a loved one dying or being very ill while you were growing up, or were dumped by a family member, boyfriend/girlfriend, or spouse. I have read too many books on this subject. This is the one I wish I would have found FIRST. Be sure to do the exercises to achieve the most recovery and healing.
    more
  • Melissa Smith
    January 1, 1970
    Brilliant.
  • Emily
    January 1, 1970
    Unbelievably good. Albeit a few grammatical and spelling errors.
  • Atieh
    January 1, 1970
    It was fantastic! Really helps to underestand what happens in our brains and minds after a break up and how to deal with it.
  • Nicholas Long
    January 1, 1970
    Yep, amazing book. Already seeing changes. Lots of tears reading this but good tears.
  • Ruth Baidya
    January 1, 1970
    Brings excitement towards healing.
Write a review