Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
It’s normal for your washing machine to get more action than you, right? I wake up, bleary-eyed. It’s been two years, six months and three hours since I last shaved my legs, and the llama-patterned knickers I’m wearing have seen better days. We have seven minutes before the kids wake up, and my husband shuffles closer. ‘Ouch,’ he says, a piece of Lego sticking into his back. Then, a light comes on in the landing. Small footsteps creep down the stairs. A little voice screams, ‘IS SOMEONE COMING TO MAKE BREAKFAST?!’ All hopes of having some ‘alone time’ is replaced with wondering if we’ve run out of Cheerios, thinking about the overflowing laundry, and remembering that I forgot to take out the recycling. Again. Just a typical Monday morning for the Morton family… Except today, when I go downstairs in my dressing gown, I find something. Something belonging to my husband. Something that definitely wasn’t mentioned in the wedding vows. And it’s either going to make us… or break us. An utterly hilarious and unmissable novel for anyone who has ever felt like they spend more time washing the dishes than getting lucky. Fans of Why Mummy Drinks and The Unmumsy Mum, and rom-coms by Sophie Ranald and Sophie Kinsella, will ugly laugh at this gloriously funny and relatable read. Readers totally love Kristen Bailey: ‘Laugh-out-loud funny!!!!... I found myself snorting with giggles on the train. Easy to read and topical... With loveable and realistic characters.' Goodreads Reviewer ‘Not many books have the ability to make me belly-laugh and have teary eyes in the same proportions… A hilarious analysis of the daily grind of family life that every parent can identify with. Kristen Bailey perfectly captures the chaos, mess, emotions, tearing-your-hair-out moments and love that surround the demands of a modern family.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars ‘I can't honestly remember when I had this much fun with a book. This story is awesome.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars ‘An insightful and endlessly witty take on parenthood with bags of drama to keep the pages turning. I would recommend to parents and non-parents alike!’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars

Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life? Details

TitleHas Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
Author
ReleaseFeb 14th, 2020
PublisherBookouture
Rating
GenreHumor, Womens Fiction, Chick Lit

Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life? Review

  • DJ Sakata
    January 1, 1970
    Favorite Quotes:Nothing is more sobering than looking at yourself in your underwear under a fluorescent bathroom glow. My stomach looks like a collapsed cake. My thighs look like rolled pork joints. I poke at them to see if I can carve out a thigh gap… I look down. Jesus, where are my boobs and stomach going? It’s like they’re trying to flee from me in different directions – gravity is not my friend.I have a Morton brother either side of me: my brother-in-law to my left, to my right my husband, Favorite Quotes:Nothing is more sobering than looking at yourself in your underwear under a fluorescent bathroom glow. My stomach looks like a collapsed cake. My thighs look like rolled pork joints. I poke at them to see if I can carve out a thigh gap… I look down. Jesus, where are my boobs and stomach going? It’s like they’re trying to flee from me in different directions – gravity is not my friend.I have a Morton brother either side of me: my brother-in-law to my left, to my right my husband, who keeps adjusting the tartan gown to protect my modesty… ‘Careful there, Meggers. Don’t need the whole world seeing your growler...’ I laugh hysterically at the mention of the word and do a lion impression.She told people I had implants put in me arse. Who the heck wants their bum to look bigger?‘There’s no such thing as heaven,’ Eve informs me. ‘ He’s just dust now and his dog ghost lives in the hills and will gallop around and sleep in the bushes scaring the squirrels.’My Review:I smirked, giggle-snorted, and barked with gleeful mirth throughout this cleverly penned and superbly crafted tale. This was my first exposure to the beguilingly wondrous wit of Kristen Bailey and I became a rabid fangirl halfway through page one. Her engaging writing style was crisp, rib-tickling, rife with smart edgy banter and humorous innuendo, and called up delightfully amusing visuals that danced behind my eyes. I am greedy for all her past and future words and have added her name to the top of my List Of Favorite Cool Beings.
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  • Shalini
    January 1, 1970
    Woah!! This was one humorous book which kept me laughing at the antics of a married couple with kids. From snogging and shagging in their 20s, it was fun to read about their jiggling and sagging body parts and life post marriage and children. My first book by author Kristen Bailey, I never would have guessed what came in their mail. And that started the rigmarole of humorous capers and dialogues that were scattered liberally in the book. Their adulting had me in splits. I loved Meg, her moments Woah!! 😂 This was one humorous book which kept me laughing at the antics of a married couple with kids. From snogging and shagging in their 20s, it was fun to read about their jiggling and sagging body parts and life post marriage and children. My first book by author Kristen Bailey, I never would have guessed what came in their mail. And that started the rigmarole of humorous capers and dialogues that were scattered liberally in the book. Their adulting had me in splits. I loved Meg, her moments of vulnerability and doubt touched my heart. Who amongst us has not had them? The writing was fun and zingy, even with British terms, it was easy to understand down the pages. The depiction of married life was quite enlightening. The author kept the ball rolling in a realistic manner from beginning to end with lots of funny moments. Even in moments of stress and fun, the love between Meg and Danny came out well. That made this book a love story too. Marriage made love jaded with its responsibilities, but the couple had me cheering them on. The other characters like brother Stu, though maddening at times, were precocious and added to the entertainment. Lots of innuendo along with humor, this book was perfect in between intense thrillers.
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  • Kathi Defranc
    January 1, 1970
    DNF..Only read the beginning and Not my cup of tea...
  • Robyn
    January 1, 1970
    Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life by Kristen Bailey is a hilarious romp on modern family life with all ups and downs weaved between all of the hilarious moments between Meg and Danny as they navigate their way through marriage, kids and a new found secret passion that will have you laughing out loud as you flip through the pages.I always know when I am reading a great book when not even ten pages in and I am laughing my ass off. I do have to say, I don’t read enough comedy in books and Kristen Bailey Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life by Kristen Bailey is a hilarious romp on modern family life with all ups and downs weaved between all of the hilarious moments between Meg and Danny as they navigate their way through marriage, kids and a new found secret passion that will have you laughing out loud as you flip through the pages.I always know when I am reading a great book when not even ten pages in and I am laughing my ass off. I do have to say, I don’t read enough comedy in books and Kristen Bailey has shown me why I need to be adding more into my reading life. I can’t even count all of the times I burst out laughing. A few times, I laughed so hard my cat jumped out of his bed scared out of his mind and giving me an evil look for disturbing his sleep. He will get over it!From the title, I am sure you are guessing there is a lot of sex talk in this story and you would be right! It is not over the top…..okay well, maybe it is! But, it is all in good fun and there are a lot of jokes thrown in the mix. This is definitely not a book for anyone who gets offended easily when it comes to sex and marriage.I can’t even begin to express just how much I loved Meg and Danny. The banter between them is hilarious and you can see the love they have for one another as they navigate having kids, sex and life in general. Plus, there is a big secret that gets revealed that really takes a spin in the story. I definitely could not wait to see how it would play out.Besides all the funny parts of this story it also adds a lot of realness to it as well especially when it comes to Meg. Meg has a vulnerability to her after having kids and not having the body like she did while in her twenties. It is definitely a topic that is relatable to most women as they get older where one may feel all the goodies are going South for the winter! Heh!If you love a good laugh out loud story full of heart, love and banter and are not afraid to be that crazy person in public laughing like a total maniac, then this is definitely the book for you! I highly recommend this wonderful story!
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  • Books Just 4 Me
    January 1, 1970
    Meg and Danny are married and have three kids. A surprise package in the mail brings lots of questions and some concerns into their pretty routine life. This takes place in North of England so there were a lot of British phrases I had get familiar with quick. It is a realistic comedy of married life. The couple clearly had a deep love that translated into a deep friendship as well. I enjoyed how Meg could say how much she loved her husband but then lists all the irritating things he does. It was Meg and Danny are married and have three kids. A surprise package in the mail brings lots of questions and some concerns into their pretty routine life. This takes place in North of England so there were a lot of British phrases I had get familiar with quick. It is a realistic comedy of married life. The couple clearly had a deep love that translated into a deep friendship as well. I enjoyed how Meg could say how much she loved her husband but then lists all the irritating things he does. It was very real in that sense. Life happens and busy families, too little time and aging bodies all join in to play havoc. Just as the title suggests it talks about sex for the whole book, all aspects, included many different preferences and fetishes. Some of the scenarios that arises were pretty funny. I really started laughing more in the second half. I could easily picture this family in a sitcom. That being said, I just felt there was a lot of extra details and fillers that slow down the book for me. The brother Stuart was quite the character and added plenty of humor to the story. There were good deal of funny parts as well as some moments when Meg showed her vulnerable side and struggled with doubts and insecurities. It was a entertaining story that gave insight to some issues marriages have to overcomeThanks to NetGalley and Bookouture for the opportunity to read this in exchange for an honest opinion.
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  • Agi
    January 1, 1970
    So. I've tried. I've tried really hard and every 10% I kept saying, try another 10% but I had to stop at 60 - you can't say I didn't give this book a chance. But I can't, I simply can't, I was all the time wondering What. Is. This. Book. About and where is it actually funny? I loved the title, and the synopsis was SO promising, but I've got nothing from this what was promised. I think Bookouture should stop advertising every single book they publish with "utterly hilarious".
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  • Kelly Long
    January 1, 1970
    Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review. This book actually had me laughing out loud for most of the time I spent reading it. I'm not from the UK but I enjoy their humor and word usage. I was a bit worried this would be too trashy but it really wasn't. It's well written and a light read without being overly raunchy.
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  • Yesha- Books Teacup and Reviews
    January 1, 1970
    You can read all my review on Blog - Books Teacup and Reviews*4.5 Stars*Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life was quirky Women’s fiction that revolved around Meg and Danny’s married sex life and lot of sex related things but definitely not erotica or a pure romance. It was about uncertainty and questions related to sex life after marriage and kids, rekindling sex life, professional unhappiness, and honest portrayal of sex and how it’s different for everybody.Now I’m really scratching my head how I should You can read all my review on Blog - Books Teacup and Reviews*4.5 Stars*Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life was quirky Women’s fiction that revolved around Meg and Danny’s married sex life and lot of sex related things but definitely not erotica or a pure romance. It was about uncertainty and questions related to sex life after marriage and kids, rekindling sex life, professional unhappiness, and honest portrayal of sex and how it’s different for everybody.Now I’m really scratching my head how I should say and how much I should say. There was lot of things in this book. At first I thought it might be a chick-lit or about betrayal or rekindling love but it was much more than that.It started with Meg receiving a shock in the morning when something arrived in the post that belonged to her husband that changed her life and views. What was it and if her doubt was right or not, was revealed pretty quickly, within first 30% of the book. I’m pretty sure you cannot figure out what was in the box and what was the truth behind it or what Meg will do about it and what happens in the end.There was hilarity in every single chapter. This book defines what laugh-out-loud is, from the very beginning.Writing was fabulous, gripping and so lovely with varied characters, couples and gossips. Setting of Kendal, Lake District in northern part of the UK made it more entertaining with its close-knit community where everybody knows everybody’s business. I loved characters, family dynamics and even school moms. I rooted for Meg and Danny pretty quickly. I loved Meg more and her voice had a charm that made me to stick with her story and thoughts throughout the book.Meg was amazing partner and mom. Her sacrifices and love for her family were great to read. When she did her research and found about many other things that might question if she even know her husband, I really felt sad for her. No wife deserves that but oh my, that scene later in bedroom and hospital made me forget all that. Her reaction to the truth was so natural and real. I could feel her insecurity, self-doubt and vacillation. It was not easy for her to clear her mind and see it from Danny’s perspective and when she heard opinions of her sister, best friend and cleared the fog with Danny, she was back to herself. She found a new knowledge and new spark.Danny was such a nice and well written character. I had my doubts like Meg, but he turned out really amazing. He was a great father, son, brother and husband, I get what he did and why and still I feel he shouldn’t keep it secret and for that I was holding back my likeness. I like how he explained things, his hobby and all the things he did. He didn’t voice it earlier out loud but one can see and feel unhappiness in his professional life. His worry, anxiousness, and love was realistic. I had trouble understanding at first but I loved what he decided at the end and I agreed with Meg.Stu, Danny’s brother was not easy to like but he surprised me at the end. And I have to say he took the entertainment to upper level. School moms and their gossips was hilarious. Some were friends while some were always at each other’s neck, bitching about other moms and that cat fight in the end was so funny. It all says a lot about how people let out their suppressed feelings and unhappiness on other, finding fault in other person and their life.I loved Danny and Meg’s girls. They were charming. I can see my girl turn out like Eve! 😅 Emotions and feelings of the characters were well written. Even serious and sad moments were given the touch of humor.There was lot of sex talk so if you are prim and prudish, just be prepared. You will see lot of sex trinkets, different sex life of different couple, threesome, toesome, wild and adventurous, hook ups… and many sex terminology and synonyms of body parts. To be honest it was all so informative.I loved the message in the book. It say a lot about people’s mentality towards erotica and art related to it, how people jump to assumptions and think the worst about the person behind any sex related act. It told what love is, what sex is and how it can be different for everybody. It showed a difference between sexual exploration and perverseness.Climax was uncertain. I was not sure what they will do about this Danny’s secret. I guessed it a little and I was only 20% right about it but anyway it was good to see how they all solved their problems and doubts.Why 4.5-I have to say I had little difficulty in understanding some terms and British phrases that slowed the pace, as I was doing lot of googling. Of course it wasn’t difficult to get the idea.Overall, it was hilarious, entertaining, and enjoyable women’s fiction with a unique and quirky topic. I recommend to all readers of this genre.*** Note: I received this book from the publisher via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review. Many thanks to NetGalley and publisher. ***
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  • Javier
    January 1, 1970
    Two of my biggest pet peeves when reading a book are that on the blurb it says that there's an incredible twist you won't see coming and you see it coming from a mile away, and that it's a laugh-out loud comedy and then you don't even crack a smile. Well, "Has anyone seen my sex life?" made me laugh out loud not once but several times, and while it's not a mystery, it has a bigger twist than several thrillers I've read. I don't think anyone could have guessed what was inside that parcel that was Two of my biggest pet peeves when reading a book are that on the blurb it says that there's an incredible twist you won't see coming and you see it coming from a mile away, and that it's a laugh-out loud comedy and then you don't even crack a smile. Well, "Has anyone seen my sex life?" made me laugh out loud not once but several times, and while it's not a mystery, it has a bigger twist than several thrillers I've read. I don't think anyone could have guessed what was inside that parcel that was delivered in the mail!While I was expecting your typical chick-lit novel I found an hilarious tale of the daily life of a marriage, with an honest take on what the years of marriage and children can take on your sex life. And there's a lot of sex talk in this story, so maybe not for you if you're a bit prudish. Also, who would have thought there were so many synonims for the words penis and vagina? That must have been such a fun research!Throughout the book I was rooting for Meg and Danny's couple because, in spite of everything that happens, you could sense the love and respect they had for each other. I loved that their dialogues were full of banter and double entendre.The cast of supporting characters was also an interesting one with special mention to Stu and Eve (that child was priceless!).So, if you're in the mood for a really laugh-out loud story and you don't shy away from a little (well, a lot) sex talk, "Has anyone seen my sex life?" is definetely for you.Thanks to Netgalley and Bookouture for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest review.
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  • Gaele
    January 1, 1970
    Meg and Danny have been together ten years, with three little girls under 7, a dog named Mr. T, a postman named Pat (truly) and a rather ‘bleh’ sex life. Between kids, work, the daily sameness and more than a bit of “comfortableness’ with one another – things have hit a rut. Until the postman delivers a large package containing a sparkly, blue, very large dildo, and the reporter in Meg goes investigating.Starting off a bit slow where the “southern girl” Meg meets Danny and his brother, and the Meg and Danny have been together ten years, with three little girls under 7, a dog named Mr. T, a postman named Pat (truly) and a rather ‘bleh’ sex life. Between kids, work, the daily sameness and more than a bit of “comfortableness’ with one another – things have hit a rut. Until the postman delivers a large package containing a sparkly, blue, very large dildo, and the reporter in Meg goes investigating.Starting off a bit slow where the “southern girl” Meg meets Danny and his brother, and the ensuing relationship and marriage. What wasn’t in the cards as she loved her job as an editor of a fashion magazine and the stories she did – was to move to the Lakes District where Danny takes over the family paper business and reconnects with literally (it feels) everyone he knew, dated, shagged or even wronged growing up in the area. And he and his younger brother were boys into everything. Aside from the double-take that Meg does repeatedly with the Northern slang and peculiar verb tenses, and her questions (or questioning ) nature. And having worries that Danny is ‘playing away’ for excitement, that she’s not enough – things take several twists. There were reasons that she married Danny: his charm or ability to share were not among them – but slowly, and together, after a few missteps and a giant stuffed animal wearing a strap on, the story twists and turns to bring them ever closer together, even as she sees (and understands) just how unhappy Danny is running the Paper Factory – but he’s the type to do what is right for everyone else first. With a sketchbook full of drawings, a bounty offered for the identity of an artist with a half-million followers on social media, letters with offers of money, contracts and fame – the two must find a way to come together and balance the ‘secret’ that Meg, the world’s worst secret keeper, and Danny now share – oh and did I mention younger brother stepping up to help with childcare – and using his very brilliant brain - before he dashed off on yet another ‘adventure’ sans job to provide another person to bounce ideas off, as well as keeping them both protected. There were parts where tears were running down my face, I was laughing so hard: the Captain Mintcake secret, the very honest portrayal of Meg’s worries, her often slapstick sort of family and being bailed out of the local by Dan’s mother (who was NOT pleased, mind) brought their struggles and their bond to the forefront of the story- and you felt and believed every moment. If only every marriage or relationship in a bit of trouble had the ability to stop and regroup, with plenty of laughter, support and a few missteps – to move on. Beware – those of you who don’t appreciate sex – talking about it, referring to it, swearing, discussion of bits and bobs – this should be a miss for you – understand that Meg knows that her husband and brother-in-law are like 12 year old boys chatting about girls – with no adults about.I received an eArc copy of the title from the publisher via NetGalley for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility. Review first appeared at I am, Indeed
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  • Bespectacled Petal
    January 1, 1970
    I received a free advance readers’ copy in exchange for my honest review. Thank you NetGalley & Bookouture!Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?was hilarious. It details the lives of Meg Morton and her husband Daniel. Their relationship in the beginning was full of fire. However, they have now reached the stage of their married life where they are comfortable. They have three daughters and their lives are mundane. Until, one day Meg finds an object she did not expect to in a package mailed to their I received a free advance readers’ copy in exchange for my honest review. Thank you NetGalley & Bookouture!Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life? was hilarious. It details the lives of Meg Morton and her husband Daniel. Their relationship in the beginning was full of fire. However, they have now reached the stage of their married life where they are comfortable. They have three daughters and their lives are mundane. Until, one day Meg finds an object she did not expect to in a package mailed to their house for Daniel. Confused, she accepts his reason for the purchase but soon finds herself doubting him. This seemingly insignificant routine of collecting the mail has the potential to make or break their relationship. I loved the characters of this book. Meg had me laughing out loud with her inner thoughts and I loved how Daniel handled her bouts of melodrama. To me, they seemed like a match made in heaven. The supporting characters of this book also helped make this an incredibly enjoyable story, particularly Stuart, Daniel’s little brother. I think what made me laugh the most was that everytime something particularly risque happened, poor Polly, Meg and Daniel’s last daughter, was always present. I kept wondering what her first word would be.On a serious note though, the love between Meg and Daniel shone through in this book. Even though they were married for years and I am sure they must have experienced a lot of trials and tribulations, they loved each other just as much as they did before marriage and children. That was why I really was rooting for them to make it during the entire book. The plot was interesting. Before reading the book itself, I was quite curious to find out what the item in the mail was. Honestly, I was caught by surprise by what it turned out to be. I genuinely loved this book because as someone who has children herself, I know how unsexy you can feel after but the support Meg got from Daniel was priceless. If you like chick lit with a lot of humor and sex talk, this book is definitely for you.Violence: NoneSexual Content: Multiple instances of sexual encounters. Sexual euphemisms are used several times during this book. Definitely a book for adultsProfanity: Multiple uses of profanityReligious Themes: NoneAlcohol/Drugs/Smoking: Social drinking and smoking is mentioned. Characters are drunk in some scenes
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  • Lindsay
    January 1, 1970
    AUDIOBOOK REVIEW This is a normal day for the Morton family, the kids want breakfast, the babies crying and just getting a few minutes alone for some adult time appears to be out of the question and then postman Pat brings them a parcel in the mail which turns their world upside down. This audio is a funny and honest story of life and sex and really made me cry with laughter. I loved the Morton family and really related with their story. Could not fault this audio and I loved the fact that they AUDIOBOOK REVIEW This is a normal day for the Morton family, the kids want breakfast, the babies crying and just getting a few minutes alone for some adult time appears to be out of the question and then postman Pat brings them a parcel in the mail which turns their world upside down. This audio is a funny and honest story of life and sex and really made me cry with laughter. I loved the Morton family and really related with their story. Could not fault this audio and I loved the fact that they are offered a cup of tea to sort every problem as my family are the same
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  • Miss Dizzy Read
    January 1, 1970
    Started off ok, then just dragged, laughed slightly at the beginning and just couldn't finish it
  • Caroline Kerdouci
    January 1, 1970
    Utterly utterly brilliant! Without a doubt THE funniest novel I have read in a long time. ‘Has anyone seen my sex life’ is hilarious, the writing razor sharp with so many laugh out loud moments I couldn’t keep count of.Sometimes you pick up a book not knowing quite what to expect but I can honestly say this novel far exceeded my expectations. The prologue I thought was brilliantly written, setting the stage for the many funny, sweet, sometimes bizarre and often saucy scenarios that follow. The Utterly utterly brilliant! Without a doubt THE funniest novel I have read in a long time. ‘Has anyone seen my sex life’ is hilarious, the writing razor sharp with so many laugh out loud moments I couldn’t keep count of.Sometimes you pick up a book not knowing quite what to expect but I can honestly say this novel far exceeded my expectations. The prologue I thought was brilliantly written, setting the stage for the many funny, sweet, sometimes bizarre and often saucy scenarios that follow. The storyline features Danny and Meg Morton, husband and wife with three daughters, all of whom you will easily come to adore. In fact the whole Morton family are wonderful characters, making it virtually impossible to choose a favourite. Brothers Danny and Stu Morton are northerners through and through but couldn’t be more different. Living in the Lake District, Danny is definitely a family man,in charge of the paper mill whilst southerner Meg works part time for the local rag and Stu is often absent living the single life to the max. With much warmth and humour this is a fantastic observation of their married life with small children, the daily domestic grind and their somewhat erratic sex life that will have you howling with laughter. Yet underneath all the silliness and crudeness (be warned the language used will not be to everyone’s liking but essential to the storyline) there lies a novel about family and love that leaves you in no doubt that Danny and Meg are a perfect match. The action all starts with Meg’s accidental discovery of a very big blue dildo in the post! That’s all I will divulge of the storyline because it’s impossible to predict the way events unfold but I guarantee every page is packed with sparkling humour. I loved the use of the northern vernacular and this was one family I found myself wishing I could be part of, ultimately welcoming, loyal and loving. They are such a down to earth family with Danny in particular being so grounded and true to himself that I admit I fell in love with him a little bit! The dynamics of this family especially between Danny and Meg melted my heart as well as providing me with a lot of laughs.When I realised the direction this novel was taking there was only one ending I envisaged and thankfully the author didn’t disappoint; it was as if she’d read my mind! It was poignant whilst retaining the humour that was abundant throughout this slightly crazy novel.I realise the subject matter might be too risqué for some but whilst you could guess the content from the title, you’d be doing this novel a great disservice because it is so much more than sexual hijinks! It’s a touching love story too albeit told in a different way. I ABSOLUTELY loved it and recommend without hesitation.My thanks as always to the author and publisher and Netgalley for allowing me to read in exchange for an honest review.
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  • Janice
    January 1, 1970
    How can you not fall just a little bit in love with a man who fondly nicknames his daughters ‘Buttons’ and ‘Dimples’? That’s how I feel about Danny Morton! He is adorable!He also happens to love his wife Meg – in that manly way that Northerners have. They don’t exactly tell you, but they do try and show you as much as you’ll allow them to, and when time permits, between 3 young children, work, family, exhaustion etc. etc. But Meg isn’t a Northerner. She’s a Southerner and even though she’s lived How can you not fall just a little bit in love with a man who fondly nicknames his daughters ‘Buttons’ and ‘Dimples’? That’s how I feel about Danny Morton! He is adorable!He also happens to love his wife Meg – in that manly way that Northerners have. They don’t exactly tell you, but they do try and show you as much as you’ll allow them to, and when time permits, between 3 young children, work, family, exhaustion etc. etc. But Meg isn’t a Northerner. She’s a Southerner and even though she’s lived in Danny’s neck of the woods for quite some time now, she’s still not quite got the hang of things, like some of the strange expressions they use. She’s not part of the ‘in’ crowd – they all grew up together and she wasn’t around for all that shared history.So it’s not surprising that she’s feeling a bit unloved and mumsy and suspects that Danny might not fancy her much any more. Things reach breaking point at the worst possible time (actually when is it a good time for things to fall apart?). It’s Danny’s dad’s birthday and Danny’s younger brother Stu is arriving after 18 months away from home, being a good-time boy! The entire family is having an extended celebration. Meg is convinced that her marriage is over and is seriously on the verge of cracking up. She knows things have been shaky, but wasn’t that just because they’re both so tired all the time; so busy; so chaotic? She doesn’t want to lose the warmth of the close-knit family that she adores. So what is she going to do about it?This is an absolutely delightful, laugh-out-loud hilarious read! It does come with an advisory that should be glaringly obvious from the title: it’s definitely not for anyone who tends towards the prudish! This is full-on, in-your-face, with no-holds-barred!! This is a family that doesn’t hold back. They say it like it is – and lucky for us readers, the results are downright funny!Kristen Bailey certainly has a way with her writing. I know that creating a book and bringing it to life from start to finish isn’t easy, but she gives the impression that when she sits down and decides what she wants to write about, it all just flows out onto the page! The way she depicts the hectic life of a typical family with small kids is spot-on. Eve in particular, is a real bundle of ‘ohmygoodness!’ What she only comes up with! She’s a book all on her own!It’s a 5-star read, for those who are willing to keep their minds open and who don’t mind snorting their chosen beverages through their noses!
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  • Rachel Gilbey
    January 1, 1970
    Original, funny and full of incredibly realistic characters. Oh and the big secret, which is triggered by well not your regular contents of a parcel when you are a married couple with three children, which catapults Meg into wondering just what her husband is up to. Well she jumps to the most logical conclusion and I'm delighted to say she was incredibly wrong and the truth of it, and what is at the heart of a large part of this book is fabulous. But because I don't want to reveal just what it Original, funny and full of incredibly realistic characters. Oh and the big secret, which is triggered by well not your regular contents of a parcel when you are a married couple with three children, which catapults Meg into wondering just what her husband is up to. Well she jumps to the most logical conclusion and I'm delighted to say she was incredibly wrong and the truth of it, and what is at the heart of a large part of this book is fabulous. But because I don't want to reveal just what it is Danny is hiding, even though its revealed quite early in the book, as I think it is far more fun to come across it naturally in the book - the resulting story is rather unique and quite unlike anything else I've read for a while. I would say though that if you are on the prudish side, or not that open minded when it comes to more intimate matters, that this possibly isn't the book for you. Thankfully I love all of that sort of thing in books, and thoroughly enjoyed the story. So many of the authors observations were spot on, and the whole arrange of characters were just really realistic. I loved Meg's children, Danny's brother Stu. Then there is an incident with the school headmaster that is rather eye opening and hilarious. Oh and the scene leading up to some police presence was great, and that moment at Meg's work where various parts of her life may have been about to collide had me gasping and reaching eagerly for the next chapter! There is also a lot about the great North / South divide in the UK, like Meg, I'm a Londoner, and as such a lot of the northern slang being bandied about, well I probably should have googled to check my understanding was right! While at the same time I was nodding, knowing just how true it all was, and it just added another level of authenticity to the book. Kristen Bailey is clearly a shining light in rom com writing and I know I'm looking forward to seeing what she writes next. A truly enjoyable and memorable reading experience, oh and this is definitely an author that can write a good sex scene. Thank you to Bookouture and Netgalley for this copy which I have reviewed honestly and voluntarily
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  • Janet
    January 1, 1970
    When it is snowy and cold outside (and my car is buried under 2ft of ), superspeed readers like me can read 250+ pages/hour, so yes, I have read the book … and many more today. LOLI requested and received a temporary digital Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley, the publisher and the author in exchange for an honest review. From the publisher, as I do not repeat the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it as they do it better than I do .It’s normal for your washing When it is snowy and cold outside (and my car is buried under 2ft of ❄️ ), superspeed readers like me can read 250+ pages/hour, so yes, I have read the book … and many more today. LOLI requested and received a temporary digital Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley, the publisher and the author in exchange for an honest review. From the publisher, as I do not repeat the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it as they do it better than I do 😸.It’s normal for your washing machine to get more action than you, right?I wake up, bleary-eyed. It’s been two years, six months and three hours since I last shaved my legs, and the llama-patterned knickers I’m wearing have seen better days. We have seven minutes before the kids wake up, and my husband shuffles closer. ‘Ouch,’ he says, a piece of Lego sticking into his back.Then, a light comes on in the landing. Small footsteps creep down the stairs. A little voice screams, ‘IS SOMEONE COMING TO MAKE BREAKFAST?!’ All hopes of having some ‘alone time’ is replaced with wondering if we’ve run out of Cheerios, thinking about the overflowing laundry, and remembering that I forgot to take out the recycling. Again.Just a typical Monday morning for the Morton family… Except for today, when I go downstairs in my dressing gown, I find something. Something belonging to my husband. Something that definitely wasn’t mentioned in the wedding vows. And it’s either going to make us… or break us.This book took me a while to get into but once I did, I fell in love with it. I have an odd sense of humour but even this book made me chuckle: that honour is usually reserved for "I Love Lucy". The plot was so familiar to anyone with kids and the family, especially the kids, were adorable. A great escape read - a quick read and cute as heck.As always, I try to find a reason to not rate with stars as I love emojis (outside of their incessant use by "🙏-ed Social Influencer Millennials/#BachelorNation survivors/etc. " on Instagram and Twitter... Get a real job, people!) so let's give it 🧒 🧒 🧒 🧒
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  • Linda
    January 1, 1970
    A surprise delivery changes the context of their everyday lives: warm and witty4.5starsI loved the down-home, realistic picture of family life in this Kristen Bailey work. Meg, the Londoner come to the North heroine, is a good mom to her three girls but worries that the years of married domesticity have dulled the shine on her relationship with Northerner Dan. A surprise postal delivery suddenly provokes a re-examination of the quality and direction of her marriage. Bailey does a great job 📦A surprise delivery changes the context of their everyday lives: warm and witty😊4.5🌟starsI loved the down-home, realistic picture of family life in this Kristen Bailey work. Meg, the Londoner come to the North heroine, is a good mom to her three girls but worries that the years of married domesticity have dulled the shine on her relationship with Northerner Dan. A surprise postal delivery suddenly provokes a re-examination of the quality and direction of her marriage. Bailey does a great job covering the bases of the range of emotions and fears Meg cycles through with Dan and his close family. Meg, by moving north, has had to abandon a lifestyle she enjoyed in the trade-off with a growing, well-loved family and her husband's needs. Dan's career dilemma as he stoically stands up and takes the burden of running his family's business when he really hankers after a totally different vocation is portrayed very adroitly. She even makes the humdrum routine of walking the children to school or attending a school holiday gathering both comical and fraught with jealousy and back-biting gossip.Some standout characters besides Meg and Dan: five year old daughter Eve and Dan's carefree, globetrotting brother Stu. Eve is VERY vocal and demanding from the first chapter when she unequivocally rejects her breakfast choices; Stu brings excitement and added fun to their existence when he returns from his extended travels and reconnects to a small community where he's had a fling with most of their womenfolk.😉For a non-British reader there is a lot of jargon that may not compute, but it's sort of fun to guess at the meaning in the context of this innuendo-charged and frequently explicit human comedy. Thanks to publisher Bookouture and NetGalley for providing a complimentary advance copy of the book; this is my y and honest review.
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  • Jennifer Newell
    January 1, 1970
    When I selected this book I was looking for a laugh out loud kind of book. While there were moments in this story that were funny it was not the laugh out loud kind of laughter. I found this book at times to be funny because of been there before having had 3 children myself.This story is about a couple who have 3 children and the reality that your sex life can at times take a back seat to taking care of the family. Meg is doing her best to balance family and a job. She believes her and Danny’s When I selected this book I was looking for a laugh out loud kind of book. While there were moments in this story that were funny it was not the laugh out loud kind of laughter. I found this book at times to be funny because of been there before having had 3 children myself.This story is about a couple who have 3 children and the reality that your sex life can at times take a back seat to taking care of the family. Meg is doing her best to balance family and a job. She believes her and Danny’s marriage is on track and going well. But when a package is delivered and a sex toy is found inside Meg finds herself wondering, “What happened to my sex life?”Meg goes back to the beginning of their relationship to wonder if it could have all been different if they had not moved away from the city back to Danny’s home town so he could take his place at the family Paper Company. As Meg tries to understand what is going on with Danny, she is surprised by what she finds. Will the reporter in her uncover what is really going on with Danny? Is there marriage in trouble? How will Meg show her face around town if Danny is having an affair? Or is there a secret that Meg learns that could affect the family’s reputation?This is an adult book and contains adult content. Overall I did enjoy the book. I would like to thank Netgalley for the complimentary copy. The thoughts and opinions are my own.
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  • Grace J Reviewerlady
    January 1, 1970
    I've read books which have made me laugh before - but this time I couldn't stop!Meg and Danny are happily married with three daughters, one a baby. So, yes, their sex life has taken a hit - that's normal, right? So Meg isn't overly worried, until she opens the box delivered to their addressed to her husband and delivered to their home . . .I have giggled hysterically at this book; it's so very, very funny! Kristen Bailey has a fabulous style of writing which just pulls you in and entertains you I've read books which have made me laugh before - but this time I couldn't stop!Meg and Danny are happily married with three daughters, one a baby. So, yes, their sex life has taken a hit - that's normal, right? So Meg isn't overly worried, until she opens the box delivered to their addressed to her husband and delivered to their home  . . .I have giggled hysterically at this book; it's so very, very funny! Kristen Bailey has a fabulous style of writing which just pulls you in and entertains you til the very end. Anyone in a long term relationship - and especially with kids - will nod along as this story has more than a ring of truth in it for the normal family. My long suffering other-half is used to me giggling maniacally when I'm reading, but this took things to a whole new level. I shall certainly be very suspicious of anyone with a sprained ankle from now on! If you really need a right good laugh, then this is the book for you. The laughs are all built into a very realistic story line, and the varying characters who pop up have a feeling of familiarity about them; they pop up everywhere!  Absolutely hilarious, and not a book I will forget easily. I suspect I may well be giving it as gifts this year - yes, it's THAT funny! Without a doubt, worth a full house of stars.
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  • Shawna
    January 1, 1970
    From a big, sparkly blue dildo in the mail, to a teddy bear used as a model for a strap-on, this book will keep you laughing long after it's finished..This book started off slow for me, but once I got to my first "laugh-out-loud" moment, the laughs never stopped from there.."Have You Seen My Sex Life?" Is about Meg Morton, a mother and journalist married to Danny Morton, who finds out her husband likes to draw male and female genitals one day when she opens a package to find a huge, blue sparkly From a big, sparkly blue dildo in the mail, to a teddy bear used as a model for a strap-on, this book will keep you laughing long after it's finished..This book started off slow for me, but once I got to my first "laugh-out-loud" moment, the laughs never stopped from there.."Have You Seen My Sex Life?" Is about Meg Morton, a mother and journalist married to Danny Morton, who finds out her husband likes to draw male and female genitals one day when she opens a package to find a huge, blue sparkly dildo. At first she thinks Danny is dissatisfied with their sex life and doesn't find her body as attractive as he once did but Danny quickly assures her that he only wants her. Soon after though, "Captain Mintcakes", the pseudonym Danny publishes his art under, is on everyone's radar and the town's local paper, The Westmorland Gazette aka The Wezzie Gezzie where Meg works, wants to do an article and figure out the actual name of "Captain Mintcakes" which is the last thing Danny Morton wants..This book will keep you laughing page after page while everyone around you tries to figure out what you are laughing about. If you are needing a quick, light read to give you a good bellyache from laughter, then this is a book for you. I was given this book by Bookouture via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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  • Catherine
    January 1, 1970
    I so want this book to be the best seller of 2020. I have never laughed aloud so much when reading. This book is about sex but not an erotic book or with gratuitous scenes. But married sex. Loving sex. Meg and Danny got together in London. Their meeting ended with sex on the stairs interrupted by Stu. Danny’s brother. We then meet them three kids down the line and living in the Lake District. Sex comes after the washing cooking cleaning kids and then usually forgotten about because your just to I so want this book to be the best seller of 2020. I have never laughed aloud so much when reading. This book is about sex but not an erotic book or with gratuitous scenes. But married sex. Loving sex. Meg and Danny got together in London. Their meeting ended with sex on the stairs interrupted by Stu. Danny’s brother. We then meet them three kids down the line and living in the Lake District. Sex comes after the washing cooking cleaning kids and then usually forgotten about because your just to tired. Then over breakfast one morning a parcel arrives for Danny. One of the kids intercepted it to discover a giant blue dildo. Meg is mortified. Has their sex life got so bad they need to resort to this. Danny quickly covering his back says he wants to try new things. Ever the journalist Meg goes on the hunt. Only to discover Danny is a platinum customer of the sex toy company. Only trouble is Mr Blue is the first item she’s seen so who has he been using the other items with. This is how we discover Captain Mintcake. I’ll stop here as a don’t want to spoil anyone’s enjoyment of this fabulous book. Safe to say I will be gifting copies of this book to my female friends. Absolutely brilliant #hasanyoneseenmysexlife #netgalley
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  • Mimi
    January 1, 1970
    Meg Morton is your typical mom. Fall asleep in yesterday’s mascara dead tired. Wake up and not bother shoving her post-breastfeeding boobs into something cute. Carry on with the kids morning school run looking like a raccoon in head lights. No part of this includes sex. At least none she has time to enjoy. And that’s okay. That’s just part of being married with kids, right? Then the parcel arrives and everything changes. Meg’s life is about to change in a BIG way. Star rating: You know the Meg Morton is your typical mom. Fall asleep in yesterday’s mascara dead tired. Wake up and not bother shoving her post-breastfeeding boobs into something cute. Carry on with the kids morning school run looking like a raccoon in head lights. No part of this includes sex. At least none she has time to enjoy. And that’s okay. That’s just part of being married with kids, right? Then the parcel arrives and everything changes. Meg’s life is about to change in a BIG way. Star rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️You know the saying where there is a train wreck and you and you shouldn’t exactly be looking but, heck, you know you are. Yep. Meg and Danny Morton were hilariously relatable at times and at times down-right cringy. Yikes! Is this me?! They climbed over their martial obstacles in such humorous ways. I loved the relationships between them, their kids, even with her brother-in-law Stu. It was all crass humor and true love. I suffered big time not knowing a lot of their local slang but still found it entertaining. Also, her kids were downright hilarious. For those of you who don’t have kids, yes, they really do blow our minds with cringe, laugh-out-loud wisdom. This story isn’t a deep, emotional, hard hitting story of marriage. If marriage was a movie, this is the making-of meets the behind-the-scenes meets the blooper-reel. Basically, all the good parts. **A big thanks to NetGalley for this eARC in exchange for an honest review.**
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  • Pauline
    January 1, 1970
    Full of humour, will definitely make you laugh (would be surprised if it didn't) This book is about the 'Now', all new Morton's, Meg, Danny, and three young girls, and their families. It starts with a brief on how they first got together, then into family life. The Morton's run a paper mill, Meg works as a journalist, whilst caring for her young family.What first appears to be the same old routine of family life, then receipt of a parcel which raises questions/concerns with Meg, about Danny and Full of humour, will definitely make you laugh (would be surprised if it didn't) 😂🤣This book is about the 'Now', all new Morton's, Meg, Danny, and three young girls, and their families. It starts with a brief on how they first got together, then into family life. The Morton's run a paper mill, Meg works as a journalist, whilst caring for her young family.What first appears to be the same old routine of family life, then receipt of a parcel which raises questions/concerns with Meg, about Danny and what he's been up to. What happens from here brings ups and downs for the family. Not your average family goings on.. but then again, who knows what goes on behind closed doors 😉😂It's well written, flows well, the relationship between Meg and Danny is lovely, you can sense their love for each other and families. I've not read any books by this author before, but definitely would look out for more.Some people may find this a little risqué, personally I found it makes you smile/laugh, well written. Thoroughly good read (authors letter also worth a read, if you don't normally 👀)
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  • Amanda
    January 1, 1970
    3.5 stars. Very funny but also relatable story of Meg and Danny and how life has changed 10 years into their marriage and dealing with three kids (one of whom is a baby), a dog, two jobs, and living in a small town in northern England where everyone is in everyone else's business. The story is told from Meg's point of view, and lots of her thoughts and the funny situations they found themselves in reminded me of Bridget Jones. The thing referenced in the book description that shows up causes Meg 3.5 stars. Very funny but also relatable story of Meg and Danny and how life has changed 10 years into their marriage and dealing with three kids (one of whom is a baby), a dog, two jobs, and living in a small town in northern England where everyone is in everyone else's business. The story is told from Meg's point of view, and lots of her thoughts and the funny situations they found themselves in reminded me of Bridget Jones. The thing referenced in the book description that shows up causes Meg to question their relationship but soon turns into a bigger question, as she and Danny work through what makes them happy as individuals and what is most important to them. I liked the characters, and there were descriptions and situations that had me laughing out loud.There is some language in the book, and there are lots of sexual references, which I think people should expect based on the title. If these things would bother you, it's not the book for you to read.I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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  • Els
    January 1, 1970
    There are funny books that make me smile and there are hilarious books that make me laugh out loud. For me this one definitely belongs in the latter category.It goes without a doubt that homour is subjective. What makes one laugh, leaves the other wondering why it’s funny. I think if I would write a book, humour is the most difficult to get across to an audiance. I guess everybody already had the feeling once or twice of telling a joke and nobody laughing … Painful, right?This story is filled There are funny books that make me smile and there are hilarious books that make me laugh out loud. For me this one definitely belongs in the latter category.It goes without a doubt that homour is subjective. What makes one laugh, leaves the other wondering why it’s funny. I think if I would write a book, humour is the most difficult to get across to an audiance. I guess everybody already had the feeling once or twice of telling a joke and nobody laughing … Painful, right?This story is filled with funny parts and I totally adored it.My mother tongue is not English and I can assure you that I learned a lot of new words concerning anatomy 😉Humour is not the only thing this book is about. It also contains emotions such as love, family, friendship and trust.A great story and I am looking forward to reading other books by this author. 5 stars.Thank you, Kristen Bailey and Bookouture.https://bforbookreview.wordpress.com
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  • Sonya
    January 1, 1970
    Absolutely hilarious! I never found myself bored. The dialog between the characters flowed naturally and I found a lot of it pretty endearing. Baily did an excellent job of capturing that spirit of people who are in love but feel like life has taken over their relationship. The story over all flowed very well. I loved Baily's writing style. There is a sort of ease to it all. As someone from the USA, I struggled a little with the British pop culture references and slang. Thankfully I have seen Absolutely hilarious! I never found myself bored. The dialog between the characters flowed naturally and I found a lot of it pretty endearing. Baily did an excellent job of capturing that spirit of people who are in love but feel like life has taken over their relationship. The story over all flowed very well. I loved Baily's writing style. There is a sort of ease to it all. As someone from the USA, I struggled a little with the British pop culture references and slang. Thankfully I have seen quite a few television shows from the UK so I could figure out the majority of it. Internet searches helped, too. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who likes a laugh out loud endearing read. I suggest going into it with no expectations and an open mind. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this title.
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  • Maria
    January 1, 1970
    I really liked this book! Meg and Danny have been married for some years and have three daughters in common. One day, Meg receives a big dildo on the post that Danny ordered, and this is the beginning of a lot of missunderstundings, laughing-out-loud moments, but most of all, growing together as a couple and discovering what really matters and what truly makes you happy.My favorite quote: "Don't cry. Don't cry at work. I stuff two custard creams in my mouth. Geez, I hate custard creams. Chew. I really liked this book! Meg and Danny have been married for some years and have three daughters in common. One day, Meg receives a big dildo on the post that Danny ordered, and this is the beginning of a lot of missunderstundings, laughing-out-loud moments, but most of all, growing together as a couple and discovering what really matters and what truly makes you happy.My favorite quote: "Don't cry. Don't cry at work. I stuff two custard creams in my mouth. Geez, I hate custard creams. Chew. Just do something. Why is my mouth so dry? Where is all my saliva? Don't. Choke. I grip on to my desk again. It's stuck. Good god, I'm going to die here with a sex website open on my phone and an economy biscuit stuck in my gullet."** Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC copy in exchange for my honest opinion **
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  • Vikkie
    January 1, 1970
    This book is absolutely hilarious!! Seriously, I haven’t been able to put this one down! Initially attracted by the cover and title, this is a book which really hasn’t disappointed. This is perfect for lovers of the unmumsy mum- I personally think that this one is funnier than that. I have not stopped laughing while reading this book. This is definitely one of those books which is perfect after a stressful day because you are guaranteed to laugh out loud. I love the authors writing style, this This book is absolutely hilarious!! Seriously, I haven’t been able to put this one down! Initially attracted by the cover and title, this is a book which really hasn’t disappointed. This is perfect for lovers of the unmumsy mum- I personally think that this one is funnier than that. I have not stopped laughing while reading this book. This is definitely one of those books which is perfect after a stressful day because you are guaranteed to laugh out loud. I love the authors writing style, this is a feel good, fun and easy read. I have loved it. I have devoured this book in just a couple of hours. It is just one of those books impossible to put down. I can’t wait to read more by this author. A definite five star rating is needed for this hilarious and fantastic book.
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  • Emma Star Crossed Reviews
    January 1, 1970
    This review was originally posted on Star Crossed Reviews I received this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.Thank you to Bookouture for my copy of this book via Netgalley and for letting me take part in this tour. This is the first book I have read by Kirsten. I really liked the blurb and I love to try new authors so I was excited to jump in. I am going to start off by saying this was one of the This review was originally posted on Star Crossed Reviews I received this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.Thank you to Bookouture for my copy of this book via Netgalley and for letting me take part in this tour. This is the first book I have read by Kirsten. I really liked the blurb and I love to try new authors so I was excited to jump in. I am going to start off by saying this was one of the funniest books I have read. Ever! I really really enjoyed it. Meg and Danny are such good main characters. They are easy to relate to and like Stu and Briony, I became very protective of these two. Kristen's writing style is witty and the characters are realistic. I loved all of them but I think my favourite is Tess. She is very matter of fact and quite often very funny without realising it. I don't feel this review is doing this book enough justice, I absolutely LOVED this book and I just know it's going to be in my top books of the year! I can't wait for more from Kristen.
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