The Kids Are in Bed
"All new moms should shove a copy of The Kids Are in Bed in the diaper bag between the asswipes and Aquaphor! A perfect guide on how-to not morph solely into someone's mom and retain your badassery in a world of Disneyfication and baby sharks."--Jill Kargman, author of Sprinkle Glitter on My Grave and creator of Odd Mom Out Picture it--it's 8:30 p.m. You close the door to your child's room just as you hear your partner closing the dishwasher, and now it's time for an hour or two of glorious freedom. What do you do? Read the book you've been waiting to crack open all day? Chat on the phone with a friend, glass of wine in hand, or go out with pals and share a whole bottle? Or, like many modern parents, do you get caught up in chores, busywork, and social media black holes?In an original survey conducted for this book, 71 percent of parents said their free time didn't feel free at all, because they were still thinking about all the things they should be doing for their kids, their jobs, and their households. Rachel Bertsche found herself in exactly that bind. After dozens of interviews with scientists and parenting experts, input from moms and dads across the country, and her own experiments with her personal time, Rachel figured out how to transform her patterns and reconnect to her pre-kids life. In The Kids Are in Bed, other parents can learn to do the same, and learn to truly enjoy the time after lights-out.

The Kids Are in Bed Details

TitleThe Kids Are in Bed
Author
ReleaseJan 7th, 2020
PublisherPlume Books
ISBN-139781524744014
Rating
GenreParenting, Nonfiction, Self Help

The Kids Are in Bed Review

  • Jenny (Reading Envy)
    January 1, 1970
    I've been reading more parenting books because my husband and I are in the early stages of the state adoption process, too early to really share more than that. But I've never been a parent, and I know you can't really learn it from a book, I thought I might at least find some books to return to.This one is tackling the important topic of your identity outside your children, staying connected to your partner (assuming you have one,) staying connected to your friends (assuming they stick around,) I've been reading more parenting books because my husband and I are in the early stages of the state adoption process, too early to really share more than that. But I've never been a parent, and I know you can't really learn it from a book, I thought I might at least find some books to return to.This one is tackling the important topic of your identity outside your children, staying connected to your partner (assuming you have one,) staying connected to your friends (assuming they stick around,) and in general it falls under the umbrella of what the author refers to as "no shame parenting," where we can all just assume that we're doing our best and that there is no one right way.I can't quote directly since I read a review copy from the publisher, but some of the bits I was most interested in talked about how much things change when you become a parent, how the age of the children is likely to dictate parental perception of how they spend their time, the difference between child-oriented leisure and your own, the cultural shift away from asking children to do chores and why that might be contributing to the problem of parental stress, the value of solitude and cultivating an interior life, the importance of sex and exercise, specific guidelines for bedtime (for the parent as well as the child,) and the value of finding likeminded parents as a support network.The author interweaves a Parent Time Survey she conducted with her own experiences and other expert's viewpoints, which I liked, because it helps drive home the point that every parent and child situation will be different.I was provided a copy from the publisher through Edelweiss, and it came out January 7, 2020.
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  • Alicia Bayer
    January 1, 1970
    Don't bother. An entire book composed of the author first complaining about not having enough time for herself, then writing about how terrible modern parents have it, then chapter by chapter talking about her life in each subject (marriage, sex, friends, responsible things like exercise and doctor's appointments, etc.), then talking about what her friends said about it, mentioning a bit of research about it, and offering a tip or two and moving on. It reads like a vanity project of an academic, Don't bother. An entire book composed of the author first complaining about not having enough time for herself, then writing about how terrible modern parents have it, then chapter by chapter talking about her life in each subject (marriage, sex, friends, responsible things like exercise and doctor's appointments, etc.), then talking about what her friends said about it, mentioning a bit of research about it, and offering a tip or two and moving on. It reads like a vanity project of an academic, upper class woman who wanted to write another book, from the very beginning when she complains that her young child wouldn't stay in bed at 7:30 the night she decided to start writing the book to the very end when she writes, "Just before I finished writing this book, I went on a week-long trip to Paris with my mother and sister-in-law."This could have actually been a helpful book if the author had spent less time chatting about herself and her friends and actually tried to make it helpful. It would also be great if all mothers were not presumed to be privileged white women. As an AP, homeschooling, work-at-home mother of five who's been doing this mothering business for 21 years, I get the need for finding time for ourselves (and our partners, hobbies, exercise, etc.). This book offers almost nothing that I would have found helpful in all this time. Also, it's a personal pet peeve when mothers of one or two very young children consider themselves expert enough to write parenting books. Other parents may find this helpful, but it didn't do much for me.I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for the purpose of review.
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  • Genevieve Trono
    January 1, 1970
    The Kids Are in Bed was my first book by Rachel Bertsche. In a society where people (and especially parents) are feeling more burnt out than ever before, I love the idea of rethinking the time that we DO have. The Kids Are in Bed shared some proactive ideas for parents about not getting "stuck" in every day (sometimes very monotonous) family life grind and utilizing the downtime that you do have in your daily/weekly/monthly schedules. I thought Bertsche really succeeded at sharing helping The Kids Are in Bed was my first book by Rachel Bertsche. In a society where people (and especially parents) are feeling more burnt out than ever before, I love the idea of rethinking the time that we DO have. The Kids Are in Bed shared some proactive ideas for parents about not getting "stuck" in every day (sometimes very monotonous) family life grind and utilizing the downtime that you do have in your daily/weekly/monthly schedules. I thought Bertsche really succeeded at sharing helping everyday tips and hack to not falling into the trap of not having enough time for ourselves, our marriage, friendships, etc. While life may look a lot different than it did "before kids" and the "downtime" we have may well be less, when we look at our habits and chunks of time, it can help us adjust the way we utilize it. I did find that the stories in The Kids Are In Bed were primarily about her own very specific situation (with fairly young children), and although she did share ideas cited directly from other sources, I would have loved for there to be a bigger variety of examples of family life, especially with different aged children. The challenges vary so much as you move through the life stages of having kids at home from babies to teens...all with their own set of positives and challenges. I think this would open this book up to a larger audience and also help broaden the perspective beyond her own immediate experiences.Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton Books for an advanced copy. All opinions are my own.
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  • Jessica
    January 1, 1970
    Thanks to the publisher for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review“Yet even those quiet moments didn’t feel entirely free. Free implies a person has nothing else to do, that there’s not a long list of obligations that could be attended to right then and there. For mothers especially, even time that is unaccounted for in her schedule—she’s not supposed to be at the office, she doesn’t have an appointment, there is nothing on her calendar, and her kids are under someone else’s Thanks to the publisher for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review“Yet even those quiet moments didn’t feel entirely free. Free implies a person has nothing else to do, that there’s not a long list of obligations that could be attended to right then and there. For mothers especially, even time that is unaccounted for in her schedule—she’s not supposed to be at the office, she doesn’t have an appointment, there is nothing on her calendar, and her kids are under someone else’s care—still doesn’t feel free. There is an endless list of things she could, or should, be doing. As one mother of two reminded me: “The kids go to bed and there is laundry to wash, laundry to fold, bills to pay, toys to clean up, plus birthday parties to plan, schedules to organize . . .”👆THIS. IS. MY. LIFE.👆 and I suspect a lot of you who have children, too. There’s always SOMETHING going on and you never feel like you can truly just relax.I highlighted the heck out of this book. It spoke to me. I also enjoyed one of her other books, MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend, a few years ago.In addition to some really interesting studies and data, Rachel provides lots of helpful tips to help busy parents feel like they’re making the most of their “free time”. One thing I actually implemented was to create a list of ways to spend pockets of unexpected free time. That way, if you have 20 minutes between other things, you can squeeze in something you like (reading, watching s tv show, or a quick workout), instead of mindlessly scrolling social media.Also with exercise, she reminds you that you could do a quick 10 minute work out video on YouTube rather than go to the gym. I squeezed in two quick 5 minute workouts last week after YEARS of not working out at all.I know this sounds like obvious stuff but sometimes you just need a little reminder.I wish I could give a copy of this book to all my friends. Highly recommend picking this one up when it comes out January 7th!
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  • Carrie O'Maley Voliva
    January 1, 1970
    This should be required reading for all new parents. The research, coupled with personal anecdotes, helped me feel validated and understood with my challenges, but unlike other similar books, this one had concrete ways to carve out that important time for yourself.
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  • Samantha
    January 1, 1970
    I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own. The Kids Are In Bed: Finding Time For Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting is a self-help book that looks at how to make time for yourself after you've had kids. I'm really on the fence about this one because while I didn't find much advice on how to make "me time" happen, other than the same basic advice you've probably heard a million times before. I found this I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are my own. The Kids Are In Bed: Finding Time For Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting is a self-help book that looks at how to make time for yourself after you've had kids. I'm really on the fence about this one because while I didn't find much advice on how to make "me time" happen, other than the same basic advice you've probably heard a million times before. I found this book was basically just saying "make time for your self care, your partner, and your friends" and "don't lose yourself while trying to raise your offspring" in multiple different ways. I found it to be repetitive and it started to drag after the first chapter.The only thing that kept me reading this book was the stories from other parents who had similar frustrations as I did. Without those I never would of gotten through the entire thing. It's one of those books that could simply be a hit or miss depending on the reader. In the end, it was just okay for me.
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  • Emilie
    January 1, 1970
    I loved this author's first book about finding female friendships. It was the perfect blend of information and narrative. This book is so heavy on information that it was hard for me to get through. It felt more like an insanely long research paper than a book. I am a busy parent of five and could not sustain reading this book because it felt so much like "homework". If you're looking for a parent's guide that is heavy on research, studies, facts, and figures then this is a great book for you. I loved this author's first book about finding female friendships. It was the perfect blend of information and narrative. This book is so heavy on information that it was hard for me to get through. It felt more like an insanely long research paper than a book. I am a busy parent of five and could not sustain reading this book because it felt so much like "homework". If you're looking for a parent's guide that is heavy on research, studies, facts, and figures then this is a great book for you. As a busy mom of five kids, I found it much too heavy to wade through.
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  • Bethany Vaughn
    January 1, 1970
    I really liked the idea of this book more than I liked the actual book. I thought there wasn’t enough research to show how parents without help in the home can make time to take care of themselves. Thank you to NetGalley for my copy of this book.
  • Tanya Vought
    January 1, 1970
    This book reminded me that we do have enough time. (That it's there if we look for it. ) And to make sure to find ways to carve time into our daily routine for us. It's beneficial for the kids and ourselves/spouses too. 3.5 stars from me.
  • Brooke
    January 1, 1970
    Essential reading for parents of tiny humans.
  • Harriet Epstein
    January 1, 1970
    Love it! Helpful, funny, informative. Great suggestions for finding time for things other than parenting and work. I really like the case studies with other parents.
  • Beth
    January 1, 1970
    Loved it!!
  • K8
    January 1, 1970
    Very thankful to the author for writing this, I reluctantly give three starts— first half is 5 stars, but second half seemed stretched. Thank you!
  • Sarah
    January 1, 1970
    This book definitely speaks to me as a working mother of twins. I think all of my friends who are parents will relate to it too. The author's research shows that so many parents are all struggling to balance our time and care for ourselves, and she gives some practical tips on how to help change that. I admit that while I read the beginning of the book, I just skimmed the second half or so as I felt like I'd already gotten gist of what the author had to say.I received an ARC from NetGalley. The This book definitely speaks to me as a working mother of twins. I think all of my friends who are parents will relate to it too. The author's research shows that so many parents are all struggling to balance our time and care for ourselves, and she gives some practical tips on how to help change that. I admit that while I read the beginning of the book, I just skimmed the second half or so as I felt like I'd already gotten gist of what the author had to say.I received an ARC from NetGalley. The book will be released on January 7, 2020.
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