Never Split the Difference
A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new, field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference takes you inside the world of high-stakes negotiations and into Voss’s head, revealing the skills that helped him and his colleagues to succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. In this practical guide, he shares the nine effective principles—counter-intuitive tactics and strategies—you too can use to become more persuasive in both your professional and personal life.Life is a series of negotiations you should be prepared for: buying a car; negotiating a salary; buying a home; renegotiation rent; deliberating with your partner. Taking emotional intelligence and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.

Never Split the Difference Details

TitleNever Split the Difference
Author
LanguageEnglish
ReleaseMay 17th, 2016
PublisherHarperBusiness
ISBN-139780062407801
Rating
GenreBusiness, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Language, Communication

Never Split the Difference Review

  • James Q. Golden
    January 1, 1970
    I'm sorry, but it seems you're looking for a review to help you decide if you Really want to read this book--if it's worth your time--or not. Wondering if somebody would be kind enough to provide you with that one review which would appeal to your tastes.I have EXACTLY what you're looking for, but why would I provide it for you? I'm thinking No. Go ahead: tell me. Why would I bother saving your time with an eloquent and thorough review that would Definitely appeal to you and surely help you deci I'm sorry, but it seems you're looking for a review to help you decide if you Really want to read this book--if it's worth your time--or not. Wondering if somebody would be kind enough to provide you with that one review which would appeal to your tastes.I have EXACTLY what you're looking for, but why would I provide it for you? I'm thinking No. Go ahead: tell me. Why would I bother saving your time with an eloquent and thorough review that would Definitely appeal to you and surely help you decide? Go ahead: tell me.Are you done?The answer is the same: it ain't happening. It seems you're wasting your time. The answer is a big, fat No.What now?It seems you're a little stuck right now, doesn't it? My answer doesn't sound it'll change anytime soon--I mean, I'm not the kind of guy who keeps checking his reviews and keeps editing them accordingly, so now what? Looks like you could use some of the tips found in this book. Wasn't it about negotiating?Hmm. . .
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  • Pouting Always
    January 1, 1970
    A lot of what affects how much you enjoy these books is, again, how self aware you are or how much consideration you've given to how you talk to people and the best way to get what you want from others. If you already easily have any easy time convincing people, or have thought about it and are self aware of how you behave and talk to others then I don't think any of these things are going to be surprising or helpful but if you haven't ever actually considered the way you interact with people th A lot of what affects how much you enjoy these books is, again, how self aware you are or how much consideration you've given to how you talk to people and the best way to get what you want from others. If you already easily have any easy time convincing people, or have thought about it and are self aware of how you behave and talk to others then I don't think any of these things are going to be surprising or helpful but if you haven't ever actually considered the way you interact with people then maybe this will be an eye opening book for you. Personally I think I've always been a little manipulative so I wasn't all that impressed. The writing was average also so the books clear and easy to read but I wasn't impressed by the writing either.
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  • Rita Arens
    January 1, 1970
    I actually TOOK NOTES on this book.
  • Mark
    January 1, 1970
    One of the best books I've read over the last few years. In my opinion, the title does NOT do it justice. While this is applicable to negotiating, and the title DOES highlight a critical component, this book is valuable to MANY types of negotiating, even situations that we may not consider to be negotiating... things that happen every day. This borrows heavily from behavioral and neuro science areas to get at the way people work (all of us). It of necessity helps gain trust. It helps in understa One of the best books I've read over the last few years. In my opinion, the title does NOT do it justice. While this is applicable to negotiating, and the title DOES highlight a critical component, this book is valuable to MANY types of negotiating, even situations that we may not consider to be negotiating... things that happen every day. This borrows heavily from behavioral and neuro science areas to get at the way people work (all of us). It of necessity helps gain trust. It helps in understanding others and what their true motives are, so you can meet their needs. This can be applied whether you are negotiating for just helping someone. It's an amazing book... there are only about 4 books that I will repeat (maybe more than a 2nd time). This is DEFINITELY one of them. Thanks for an amazing lesson and reference, Chris! You're amazing.
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  • ScienceOfSuccess
    January 1, 1970
    tl;dr My animated summary of Never Split the Difference is available here: https://youtu.be/pWu6ie-QXjIChris Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator. If you want to learn how to negotiate, he’s your top teacher. Every chapter in his book is a lesson. Each of them feels like an episode of some crime TV series. Every lesson is based on a real-life example from author’s involvement with hostage negotiations. After the storytelling, Chris explains which negotiating techniques worked and which didn’t tl;dr My animated summary of Never Split the Difference is available here: https://youtu.be/pWu6ie-QXjIChris Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator. If you want to learn how to negotiate, he’s your top teacher. Every chapter in his book is a lesson. Each of them feels like an episode of some crime TV series. Every lesson is based on a real-life example from author’s involvement with hostage negotiations. After the storytelling, Chris explains which negotiating techniques worked and which didn’t. At the end of each chapter, there is a nice wrap-up of the key lessons learned.The author discovered that the same techniques he used in life and death negotiations can be applied to everyday conflicts. Whether you are negotiating with kidnappers, trying to get a raise, or just negotiating “bedtime” with your kid, the principles stay the same. The main rule of negotiations is to remember that you’re dealing with a person who wants to be appreciated and understood.“Never split the difference” is an impressive book, filled with practical knowledge. This is not theoretical science. All of those advices were proven right when someone’s life was on the line. You can’t read it like a textbook. This book is written like a thriller. It’s very absorbing and easy to read. After finishing it I feel like not only my negotiation skills improved, but my social skills overall got better. I believe everyone should read it. Most people don’t wake up every day expecting negotiations, but who knows, maybe tomorrow you’ll have an opportunity to discuss something that’s important to you? I can guarantee that such talk could go WAY better if you read this book.Well deserved 5/5, I'd love to give 6stars here.
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  • Mario Velarde
    January 1, 1970
    Fantastic book. While I recommend it to everyone, I almost don't want to give away a competitive edge and prefer no one reads it--it's that good!
  • Simon Clark
    January 1, 1970
    A very practical, easy to read book on the various psychological tricks and techniques you can use in persuading people to see things your way. I was recommended to read this with regards to negotiating with brands (making sponsored video content) and it has certainly beefed up my skillset. I've actually already used a bunch of tips from this book outside of formal negotiations, and I can confirm that much as some of the tricks sound unnatural on paper they really do work!As I say, the book is v A very practical, easy to read book on the various psychological tricks and techniques you can use in persuading people to see things your way. I was recommended to read this with regards to negotiating with brands (making sponsored video content) and it has certainly beefed up my skillset. I've actually already used a bunch of tips from this book outside of formal negotiations, and I can confirm that much as some of the tricks sound unnatural on paper they really do work!As I say, the book is very readable with punchy prose, and the author Chris Voss punctuates each chapter with relevant (and often gripping) anecdotes. To be honest, the only thing that's preventing me from giving this a five star review is a lack of 'wow factor'. This is a book that states its purpose, knows what its talking about, and accomplishes the goals it sets out. But that's it. It wasn't life-changing, but it was very good.
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  • Christopher Lawson
    January 1, 1970
    “WE’VE GOT YOUR SON. GIVE US ONE MILLION DOLLARS OR HE DIES!"And so begins this surprising book. The author begins the book by relating his experience at a prestigious seminar at Harvard University. Several of the college's top negotiators put him on the spot to see how he would negotiate in a hypothetical hostage negotiation. The author held his own against the expert negotiators, surprising the professors. How did he do so well? Mr. Voss explains that the methods used by the FBI were developed “WE’VE GOT YOUR SON. GIVE US ONE MILLION DOLLARS OR HE DIES!"And so begins this surprising book. The author begins the book by relating his experience at a prestigious seminar at Harvard University. Several of the college's top negotiators put him on the spot to see how he would negotiate in a hypothetical hostage negotiation. The author held his own against the expert negotiators, surprising the professors. How did he do so well? Mr. Voss explains that the methods used by the FBI were developed over time, "products of experiential learning; they were developed by agents in the field, negotiating through crisis and sharing stories of what succeeded and what failed." In other words, these tactics HAD to work. If hostage negotiators failed, people literally DIED. The author discovered that the same techniques used in life and death situations could be generalized--they "made great sense intellectually, and they worked everywhere...In the twenty years I spent at the Bureau we’d designed a system that had successfully resolved almost every kidnapping we applied it to."NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE is not just about tricky negotiation tactics, or ways to "outwit" your adversary in battle. Whether you are negotiating with kidnappers, or just negotiating a raise, the principles are the same. For example, people always want to be understood and accepted. "Remember you’re dealing with a person who wants to be appreciated and understood." This is true no matter the type of negotiation.This also means careful listening, or what the author calls, the martial art of "Tactical Empathy." It's nearly impossible to listen to the other side; so, you have to deliberately change your focus: "Make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say. In that mode of true active listening."Each chapter in NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE begins with a real-life example from the author's involvement with hostage negotiations. Warning: Many of these cases are brutal, and oftentimes people are hurt, or even killed. After the real case is presented, the author then explains what negotiating techniques worked, and which didn't. At the end of each chapter, there is a nice wrap-up of the key lessons learned.One of the key techniques recommended is to "Be a mirror." You simply try to reflect back what is said: "The intention behind most mirrors should be 'Please, help me understand.' Every time you mirror someone, they will reword what they’ve said. "The book's title reflects the author's position that compromise, or "Splitting the Difference" is actually a lazy way to conclude a negotiation. It often gives bad results: "We don’t compromise because it’s right; we compromise because it is easy and because it saves face." However, a simple compromise is often "ineffective and often disastrous. At best, it satisfies neither side. And if you employ it with a counterpart who has a win-lose approach, you’re setting yourself up to be swindled." Instead of taking the easy way, Chris recommends working relentlessly to see "what is really motivating the other side." The negotiation is not so much a battle, as a process of "Discovery." Figure out as much as you can about what the other sides really needs. Even when the other side says, "No," that's okay. Use that to clarify what the parties really want. Figure out the other side’s “religion," or what truly matters to them.Finally, the Appendix contains detailed steps for preparing for an important negotiation. For instnace, list your goals, as well as the negotiating "tools" you will be using. Chris explains that in the heat of discussion, you will otherwise forget your tactics.All in all, I found NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE to be an impressive book, filled with practical knowledge, tips, and just plain WISDOM about how to deal with people. I like the fact that the tips and tactics are PROVEN techniques--not just some theoretical ideas. If you've negotiated with kidnappers, I'm pretty sure that qualifies you as an experienced negotiator.Advance copy for review courtesy of Edelweiss Book Distributors.
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  • Petr Bela
    January 1, 1970
    One of the most useful books I've ever read. Full of great tips, practical examples and surprising points about negotiating (without the other party feeling they've been cheated), which can be used in business, school, or any casual situation.A few points I've remembered:- Every negotiation starts with a "no". If you start with questions leading to "yes" (Do you want to help the world? Do you think we should stop animal abuse? ...), the other party will go into defense mode. By getting them to d One of the most useful books I've ever read. Full of great tips, practical examples and surprising points about negotiating (without the other party feeling they've been cheated), which can be used in business, school, or any casual situation.A few points I've remembered:- Every negotiation starts with a "no". If you start with questions leading to "yes" (Do you want to help the world? Do you think we should stop animal abuse? ...), the other party will go into defense mode. By getting them to disagree early on, you'll establish boundaries and when they then say "yes", they really mean it (commitment yes).- Empathy is important. You can't negotiate without understanding what (and why) the other party wants.I've found this list of more notes you might find helpful, too: https://github.com/mgp/book-notes/blo...
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  • Philipp
    January 1, 1970
    Update 31 October 2017:I used one of the techniques presented here (if you're asking for money, make the number look as precise as possible to imply that you've thought deeply about what exactly you need) in a small grant application to sequence some seagrasses and the grant was awarded in full, nice! Sadly I can't prove that it was awarded because I used a precise number...Original text:Fun short book from a former hostage negotiation expert turned business consultant. It's a bunch of technique Update 31 October 2017:I used one of the techniques presented here (if you're asking for money, make the number look as precise as possible to imply that you've thought deeply about what exactly you need) in a small grant application to sequence some seagrasses and the grant was awarded in full, nice! Sadly I can't prove that it was awarded because I used a precise number...Original text:Fun short book from a former hostage negotiation expert turned business consultant. It's a bunch of techniques to use empathy and a few psychological tricks to understand what the other person in any conflict actually wants, and to steer the negotiation to where you want it to go. He calls his techniques "tactical listening" - I'm imagining buff guys with knee protectors, Kevlar vests and helmets all sitting down for a nice cup of tea, but sadly it's nothing like that, it's more about the weird quirks human brains exhibit (think Kahneman's Thinking, Fast and Slow, which is quoted a few times), and how to use those quirks together with good and attentive listening to your advantage. It's all very much about emotions, very little Homo economicus. Don't avoid conflicts, but embrace them. Try to find "black swans" (unknown unknowns, in this case unknown information about your negotiation partners) and use them, they're powerful. Make your "opponent" say "No" so you at least know where the boundaries are, work from there (I wish I could do that with science funding agencies).But: What happens if you have two guys who have to negotiate with each other, but who've read similar books on the art of negotiation? Do they get stuck in an infinite loop of calibrated open "How" questions, forever trying to make the other say "that's right"? What happens when you accidentally mislabel a situation/feeling (think your teacher saying "this is very hard"), but don't realize it yourself?
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  • Sreejith Pp
    January 1, 1970
    A very useful book and one who's ideas I plan to test in the near future. I felt there was a lot of common ground with the charisma myth.
  • Annie
    January 1, 1970
    The book should have been titled "Start at No in Negotiations." Often, a "no" means "wait" or "I'm not comfortable with that." Probe deeper and listen carefully to uncover key information behind the "no" (such as "I want to but I don't have the money now" or "it is actually my spouse, not me, who doesn't agree"). This is a much more effective approach than trying to get the counterpart to say "yes," which the person might say just to get rid of you.The author, who is a former FBI hostage negotia The book should have been titled "Start at No in Negotiations." Often, a "no" means "wait" or "I'm not comfortable with that." Probe deeper and listen carefully to uncover key information behind the "no" (such as "I want to but I don't have the money now" or "it is actually my spouse, not me, who doesn't agree"). This is a much more effective approach than trying to get the counterpart to say "yes," which the person might say just to get rid of you.The author, who is a former FBI hostage negotiator, included too many hostage stories. These situations where lives are on the line, the negotiator would never split the difference (e.g., you take 2 hostages and I take 2 hostages) and hence, the book title. But for everyday situations (like negotiating with a family member, buying a car, or working with colleagues), the stories aren't that useful and such a perspective on negotiations isn't practical.I recommend starting with Chapter 9 to understand the types of people in negotiations:Analyst - methodical and diligent; need time to go over facts and consider the optionsAccommodator - builds rapport through a continuous free-flowing exchange of information; not necessarily focused on the desired outcomeAssertive - direct and candid; getting it done quickly is more important than spending more time on getting it done rightThen start from the beginning and practice the skills, including:Mirror - repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said to draw out more information from the personLabel - validate someone's emotion and fears by acknowledging it (such as "it seems like you feel you're not being appreciated")Accusation List - list the worst things the counterpart could say about you (such as "you probably think I don't spend enough time on this project") and state the goals (such as "I could trust you to do your part without supervision" and "we all want this project to be successful").Ask questions, collect information, and consider creative ways to get to your goals (such as non-monetary items - amenities, upgrades, positive reviews, and referrals). There is much more in the book that goes through the nuances of what to say, how to say it, and how to behave. It is a book that you need to read slowly, take notes, and practice the tips before moving on to the next chapter.
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  • Jeff
    January 1, 1970
    This is by far the best book on negotiation I've ever read and newly entered into my top reads list. Never split the difference takes conventional thinking that negotiating is logical, is about "getting to yes" and "splitting the difference" to get achieve a "win-win" situation, then flips that thinking on it's head. The author frames negotiation as two parties working collaborating where the situation is the adversary - what a great way to approach a negotiation. The author stresses the importa This is by far the best book on negotiation I've ever read and newly entered into my top reads list. Never split the difference takes conventional thinking that negotiating is logical, is about "getting to yes" and "splitting the difference" to get achieve a "win-win" situation, then flips that thinking on it's head. The author frames negotiation as two parties working collaborating where the situation is the adversary - what a great way to approach a negotiation. The author stresses the importance of genuine empathy in a negotiation. As a consumer, father and professional salesperson, this book is invaluable. My key takeaways:-When disagreeing with someone's point of view, say "sorry: repeat back to them what they said in a radio voice and then they should be able to give you some additional clarity. If more clarity is needed, repeat-Use labeling to disarm someone and generate trust during a disagreement, for example: "it looks as though you want to do the following" "it looks as though you feel the following way" -Accusation audit (a form of anchoring): say upfront the worst case scenario / harshly self-critique for example I'm going to sound like an a****** and then say the statement, they will be more sympathetic and less likely to think you are an a****** as a result-Don't be afraid of no. No is the start of a negotiation it makes people feel calm and in control so give them the chance to do so. Allow them to respond to no and work towards getting the "that's right" you seek-Empathy doesn't mean you necessarily agree with the other person it means you're trying to understand their point of view-Asking questions you know will result in a no answer are very productive for example ask "what will you say no to today?"-To get a response when someone is ignoring your emails ask them "have you given up on this project?"-A summary is labeling and paraphrasing-Successful negotiations result in getting to "that's right" not to "you're right". It's about correctly understanding the other person's point of view and situation -Contrary to popular belief you get a better deal when both parties know your deadline-We are all irrational and we are all emotional-Use calibrated questions to collect information that start with what and how never use why which is accusatory-Repeatedly asking calibrated open how questions is a way to say no without making others feel like they've lost control-The objective is not to get others to say "yes" it's to get them to say "that's right" keep asking calibrated questions until they say "that's right"-To understand who all the decision-makers are, ask open questions like "how does this affect the rest of the team?" "who else will be affected by this?" "how do others feel about this?"-To avoid getting a false yes, have them say yes three times in three different ways using calibrated questions-Using your first name humanizes the discussion. Funny example I'm going to try for getting a discount at a store by saying "hi my name is Jeff what's the Jeff discount"-There are four ways to say no: ask "how can I do that"; "your offer is very generous but I just cannot do that"'; gently say no (need to re-listen to remember the 4th)-A bargaining technique is to offer 65% of what you willing to pay (extreme anchor) then 85 then 95 then 100 and make sure to emphasize along the way-At every negotiation there should be three black swans: a piece of information that is previously unknown and instrumental to the negotiation-To uncover black swans in a meeting have a second person join you both of you take notes compare notes afterwards and also look between the lines-Uncover the other person's unobtained goals and charter a plan for them to achieve them-the audiobook referred to a negotiation preparation checklist, but I can't find it
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  • Tomáš
    January 1, 1970
    Nejlepší knížka o vyjednávání, jakou jsem zatím četl. Žádná suchá teorie nebo vykalkulovaná soupiska rad bez šťávy a hloubky. Kdepak. Chris je bývalý šéf vyjednávač FBI a je to znát. Oceňuji přiznané neúspěchy i následné ponaučení. Skvělá je polemika nad klasickými přístupy, například kritika klasické 'Getting to yes', pod kterou se můžu, byť jen jako laik, podepsat. V praxi jsem vyzkoušel pár rad a byl jsem vskutku překvapen výsledkem. Bohužel ale jako u všech knih i zde platí, že jen četba nes Nejlepší knížka o vyjednávání, jakou jsem zatím četl. Žádná suchá teorie nebo vykalkulovaná soupiska rad bez šťávy a hloubky. Kdepak. Chris je bývalý šéf vyjednávač FBI a je to znát. Oceňuji přiznané neúspěchy i následné ponaučení. Skvělá je polemika nad klasickými přístupy, například kritika klasické 'Getting to yes', pod kterou se můžu, byť jen jako laik, podepsat. V praxi jsem vyzkoušel pár rad a byl jsem vskutku překvapen výsledkem. Bohužel ale jako u všech knih i zde platí, že jen četba nestačí a je potřeba trénovat, učit se a posouvat dál. Toto je skvělá knížka do startu a rád si ji přečtu ještě jednou, takže dávám zaslouženě plný počet hvězd.
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  • Luboš
    January 1, 1970
    Zajímavá a nad očekávání praktická kniha o vyjednávání. Raději jsem se připravoval, že budu zklamaný, ale zbytečně. Jednu hvězdičku si schovávám, protože to jistě lze napsat ještě o něco lépe, abych si z toho sedl na zadek. Ideální by bylo s praktickým cvičením, ale určitě něco zkusím sám i bez učitele.Nejspíš opravdu popisuje aktuální trendy ve vyjednávání, protože se v mnohém shodoval s tím, co na školení říkal Daniel Štrobl. Rovněž jsem si vzpomněl na jiné školení, kde jsme měli „protivníkovi Zajímavá a nad očekávání praktická kniha o vyjednávání. Raději jsem se připravoval, že budu zklamaný, ale zbytečně. Jednu hvězdičku si schovávám, protože to jistě lze napsat ještě o něco lépe, abych si z toho sedl na zadek. Ideální by bylo s praktickým cvičením, ale určitě něco zkusím sám i bez učitele.Nejspíš opravdu popisuje aktuální trendy ve vyjednávání, protože se v mnohém shodoval s tím, co na školení říkal Daniel Štrobl. Rovněž jsem si vzpomněl na jiné školení, kde jsme měli „protivníkovi“ odpovídat otázkou (prohrál ten, kdo odpověděl či nevymyslel otázku - tzv. question game), což taky odpovídá jedné zmiňované technice.
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  • Simon Eskildsen
    January 1, 1970
    What a phenomenal book. Who would've thought we could learn so much from a field that could not be further from our life: hostage negotiation. In the end this is a book about listening. It's a book about making people feel listened to. This is a compilation of secret weapons that works like black magic when put into practise. Read the three first chapters, try it, and I promise you will not be disappointed.
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  • Alper Çuğun
    January 1, 1970
    Totally delivers what it promises and then some: a Talebian addition to the literature about negotiation. Good pace and a nice mix of theory, summary and real-world cases that makes this a thrilling read.
  • Rob
    January 1, 1970
    Excellent !!The content. The writing style. The summary at the end of each chapterI make no illusion that I'm going to become a better negotiator just by reading it. It requires re reading (which I'm planning to do) and practice and experience
  • Pavel Annenkov
    January 1, 1970
    Эта книга поменяла мои многие установки про переговоры. Очень чётко, без воды и множество примеров из практики автора.
  • Grahamshircore
    January 1, 1970
    tried to use it when negotiating for a new car. Epic fail. Will need to spend a bit more time on it.
  • Andrei Savu
    January 1, 1970
    Powerful like a knife or fire. It reads as a description of a military tool that can be used to nurture, drive change and action but also to exploit so many of the biases that plague us as humans in a very effective way. I find some ideas very challenging from an ethical and moral perspective outside of the FBI crisis negotiation realm but that doesn't dimish their power. Definitely worth reading multiple times. Take what you need to improve your life and enjoy the important history lessons.
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  • Mikedariano
    January 1, 1970
    Anyone will get something useful from this book. At the start of this old Nintendo (NES) game a player had to choose one of four characters. There was a footman, archer, wizard, and thief (I think). Each character had certain features. The footman was slow but strong. The archer was fast but weak and so on. None were perfect and after I died I always thought that if I only had the speed of the archer and strength of the footman. That idea came up while reading Voss's book. There were some sectio Anyone will get something useful from this book. At the start of this old Nintendo (NES) game a player had to choose one of four characters. There was a footman, archer, wizard, and thief (I think). Each character had certain features. The footman was slow but strong. The archer was fast but weak and so on. None were perfect and after I died I always thought that if I only had the speed of the archer and strength of the footman. That idea came up while reading Voss's book. There were some sections I recognized as things I do well and some sections where I recognized things I do poorly. Having the 'needs improvement' areas articulated and then actions to do so was very helpful. One quibble was that while Voss is less than positive about the classic Getting to Yes, I think his book and that one have more in common than he acknowledges. I could be missing something, but that was my impression. Re-Reading GTY to see.
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  • Matthew
    January 1, 1970
    This book on negotiating also happens to be the best book on sales I've read in a long, long time. Most folks just skim the surface in their interactions with others, but this book will teach you how to set your ego and fears aside to break through the facades we project. Among other incredible insights, the author reveals techniques to uncover the information that makes a sale happen or not happen (what he refers to as black swans).
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  • Srakyi
    January 1, 1970
    Užitečná knížka. Mám hromadu poznámek a už trénuju implementaci - zatím na diskusích s dětmi, když nastane krizová situace doma :)
  • Adam McNamara
    January 1, 1970
    This is an exceptional book. Never Split the Difference is to negotiating what Thinking, Fast and Slow was to psychology.(view spoiler)[The book's negotiation strategy is simple. People are not rational analysts as negotiating books would have you think. They're human - full of emotions, desires, cognitive biases. Therefore, your tactics should exploit these biases.A skilled negotiator is empathetic. They build rapport with their counter-party and listen for information.A skilled negotiator labe This is an exceptional book. Never Split the Difference is to negotiating what Thinking, Fast and Slow was to psychology.(view spoiler)[The book's negotiation strategy is simple. People are not rational analysts as negotiating books would have you think. They're human - full of emotions, desires, cognitive biases. Therefore, your tactics should exploit these biases.A skilled negotiator is empathetic. They build rapport with their counter-party and listen for information.A skilled negotiator labels the barriers to agreement. "You think I work for a big company that's not going to give you a fair deal." Labelling neutralizes fear and generates trust.A skilled negotiator gets the other party to say "that's right", not "yes". Identify, rearticulate, and emotionally affirm the world according to your counterpart.A skilled negotiator anchors their counterpart. This can be emotionally, "I know this is difficult, but...") or financially (making an extremely low offer to make subsequent ones seem more reasonable).A skilled negotiator uses "how" or "what" questions. They avoid confrontation of "why" questions. "How" and "what" questions give your counterpart the illusion of control, get them to give up information, and have them solve your problems for you, creating empathy.A skilled negotiator uses the "7-38-55" percent rule by paying close attention to tone of voice and body language. Most communication is nonverbal.A skilled negotiator understands what type of person they're negotiating with: Accommodator, Assertive, or Analyst, and adjusts accordingly.A skilled negotiator prepares an Ackerman plan - 65%, 85%, 95%, and finally 100% of their budget using decreasing raises and ending on non-round numbers.A skilled negotiator looks for Black Swans - unknown unknowns that, if found, could fundamentally change the negotation. Black swans are leverage multipliers. Remember the three types of leverage:- Positive: the ability to give someone what they want.- negative: the ability to hurt someone.- normative: using your counterpart's norms to bring them around. (hide spoiler)]
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  • Vighnesh Rege
    January 1, 1970
    Imagine ISIS has kidnapped some US politician's son and are demanding a ransom and you are tasked with the negotiations. Seemingly, ISIS has all the leverage here and you have none. What if you heard of someone who has handled such negotiations and managed to free the hostage and not pay any ransom. That someone is Chris Voss, ex-head of FBI's International Hostage Negotiation unit. And he is now intent on applying his learnings to negotiations where stakes are much lower than what he is used to Imagine ISIS has kidnapped some US politician's son and are demanding a ransom and you are tasked with the negotiations. Seemingly, ISIS has all the leverage here and you have none. What if you heard of someone who has handled such negotiations and managed to free the hostage and not pay any ransom. That someone is Chris Voss, ex-head of FBI's International Hostage Negotiation unit. And he is now intent on applying his learnings to negotiations where stakes are much lower than what he is used to.My main takeaway from this book was that negotiation is a special case of empathetic communication. Every chapter starts off with a crazy hostage story which ensures that the book maintains a thrilling pace. Author slowly builds on each chapter to come up with a playbook that seems to contradict typical business school advice on negotiation (eg. Getting to Yes). The author provides tactical advice coupled with case studies based on his classes eg. voice modulation, anchoring, getting to a "That's right" instead of "Yes". He also conducts in person classes (which were highly recommended by the CEO of my previous start-up).I consumed 75% of this book on Audible - the quality of the audiobook was top notch.On a personal note, I had never negotiated with any company before I read this book. I tried to apply advice from this book during my job hunt and subsequent offer negotiations last fall. Tactically speaking, it helped me read between the lines of recruiters that I was communicating with. Sometimes, I was able to spot flowcharts/scripts that the recruiters were likely following, which allowed me to guide them down favorable paths. This was a vast improvement over my previous "strategy" of immediately revealing my current compensation and accepting the first offer that companies gave me. The end result was a 25% increase in my offers (approx.).
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  • Alex
    January 1, 1970
    There are not a lot of books I keep in easy reach; books that I plan to reference over and over again for the rest of my life. Books so good that reading them is not enough, I must return to that well of knowledge repeatedly as I walk through life. Chris Voss' "Never Split the Difference" is one of those books. While the title sounds harsh, this is ultimately a book on negotiating well in your day-to-day life. The goals are normal: Get a good deal on your car, get a raise at work, help close a t There are not a lot of books I keep in easy reach; books that I plan to reference over and over again for the rest of my life. Books so good that reading them is not enough, I must return to that well of knowledge repeatedly as I walk through life. Chris Voss' "Never Split the Difference" is one of those books. While the title sounds harsh, this is ultimately a book on negotiating well in your day-to-day life. The goals are normal: Get a good deal on your car, get a raise at work, help close a tricky deal, get into that sold out close, or even save a dying marriage. His methods are meant for these day-to-day situations.I've spent the past month reading and testing out these suggestions and, I must say, they work surprisingly well. Not in a way that strong arms another person into doing what I want, but by negotiating well so that I'm able to achieve my ultimate goal. It takes work, forethought, and a willingness to try and understand your fellow human beings, but it can work and work very well.If you want to grow in your ability to communicate in the midst of conflict, then read this book. If you want to get a better deal on your apartment rent, read this book. If you simply want lessons from the life of an FBI hostage negotiator, then this book is for you too. In the end, this is a must read for those of us who want to get better at this life thing, but who aren't eager to become the villain. 5/5
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  • Mehrsa
    January 1, 1970
    I was prepared to hate this book and lump it in with the whole useless self-help genre (which begs the question why I keep reading those books), but I actually learned a lot. The book is basically a behavioral psychology approach to negotiations. I was taught all the BATNA and rational negotiations strategies in law school, but all those assumptions were based on rationality and lack of feelings. But we now understand that we are more prone to emotional decision making (system 1 or the elephant) I was prepared to hate this book and lump it in with the whole useless self-help genre (which begs the question why I keep reading those books), but I actually learned a lot. The book is basically a behavioral psychology approach to negotiations. I was taught all the BATNA and rational negotiations strategies in law school, but all those assumptions were based on rationality and lack of feelings. But we now understand that we are more prone to emotional decision making (system 1 or the elephant) as opposed to cool headed reasoned thinking (system 2 and the rider). So this book helps you negotiate (or maybe manipulate?) with our emotional reptilian brains. And to watch out for your own fallacies as well.
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  • Leigh Kramer
    January 1, 1970
    I've always been fascinated by novels and movies about hostage negotiators. I have a calming personality and when I was figuring out what to do after college, I briefly considered crisis negotiation as a career. My hat is off to everyone who does this kind of work. When I started reading this, I wasn't sure how much direct application it would have to my life and I was astounded by how much I learned. Chapter 4 on the role of No was a game-changer. And this is coming from someone who loves to sa I've always been fascinated by novels and movies about hostage negotiators. I have a calming personality and when I was figuring out what to do after college, I briefly considered crisis negotiation as a career. My hat is off to everyone who does this kind of work. When I started reading this, I wasn't sure how much direct application it would have to my life and I was astounded by how much I learned. Chapter 4 on the role of No was a game-changer. And this is coming from someone who loves to say no! I borrowed this from the library but I'll be buying my own copy so I can refer back to it. There are so many relevant applications, even for those of us not negotiating with terrorists or making business deals. Highly recommended.
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  • Ties
    January 1, 1970
    Very valuable book.The author shares both his own and his students' experience profusely and this completely 'makes' this book. While the most striking stories are from his FBI (hostage) negotiation days the business examples drive their point. His method is straightforward enough that I already found myself 'thinking ahead' in the examples that illustrate the various techniques and I see myself actually implementing this in day-to-day business life.
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