The Introvert's Way
Introversion Is a Gift. This clever and pithy book challenges introverts to take ownership of their personalities...with quiet strength. Sophia Dembling asserts that the introvert’s lifestyle is not “wrong” or lacking, as society or extroverts would have us believe. Through a combination of personal insights and psychology, The Introvert’s Way helps and encourages introverts to embrace their nature, to respect traits they may have been ashamed of and reframe them as assets. You’re not shy; rather, you appreciate the joys of quiet. You’re not antisocial; instead, you enjoy recharging through time alone. You’re not unfriendly, but you do find more meaning in one-on-one connections than large gatherings. By honoring what makes them unique, this astute and inspiring book challenges introverts to “own” their introversion, igniting a quiet revolution that will change how they see themselves and how they engage with the world.

The Introvert's Way Details

TitleThe Introvert's Way
Author
LanguageEnglish
ReleaseDec 4th, 2012
PublisherTarcherPerigee
ISBN-139780399537691
Rating
GenreNonfiction, Psychology, Self Help

The Introvert's Way Review

  • Christina
    January 1, 1970
    "I have to admit, there were times over the course of my life...when even I wondered if maybe I were some kind of coldhearted snob. Why was I so reluctant to go to parties and why did I want to leave them shortly after arriving? Why did I get annoyed if a date with a friend turned into a group outing? Why was I so picky, picky, picky about who I spent time with? Why did weekly check-in phone calls from friends get on my nerves? Why did gregarious people cause be a back away slowly? Why did I lik "I have to admit, there were times over the course of my life...when even I wondered if maybe I were some kind of coldhearted snob. Why was I so reluctant to go to parties and why did I want to leave them shortly after arriving? Why did I get annoyed if a date with a friend turned into a group outing? Why was I so picky, picky, picky about who I spent time with? Why did weekly check-in phone calls from friends get on my nerves? Why did gregarious people cause be a back away slowly? Why did I like being alone so much? Was I shy? Mean? Judgmental? Misanthropic? Dour? Did I hate people? Was I socially stunted? What was wrong with me and how could I change and be the kind of back-slapping, fun--for-all type of person that everyone seems to prefer? Why? Because it's not my nature. I'm an introvert. And there's not a damn thing wrong with me." -- IntroductionThis book helped me to understand that I'm not weird, just an introvert. And there are millions of other people out there to struggle with the same things I do. (A slow train of thought, living in my head, annoyance with idle chitchat and the telephone, relishing alone time and observing others, etc.)Overall, the most encouraging things I've learned:1. Watch energy levels! Since introverts are often worn out by interactions with people, it's important to pay attention to your energy level to avoid sulking/snapping. 2. Small talk is necessary and cannot be avoided. So stop thinking about how vacuous it can be. Focus on this: "It's not the content, it's the action." 3. "Introverts are not failed extroverts." It is not "un-American" to be reserved. It takes all types to make the world interesting. Thus, it is important to be understanding of differences and try to work together. This book is short and sweet, clarifying introversion with humor and little technical language. Although I didn't feel that every "symptom" of introversion applied to me, if I were compiling of "Most Influential Books of My Life list" this would definitely make it. An excellent read for introverts looking for affirmation, or extroverts wishing to understand the more reserved members of humanity.
    more
  • Diane
    January 1, 1970
    This is a nice, peppy book that seems designed to make introverts feel better about themselves. At least, it made me feel better.Dembling, who writes a blog for Psychology Today, delves into research about the differences between extroverts and introverts. I especially appreciated the information on Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), and I could relate to a lot of the examples she shared. She also gave advice on ways introverts can manage talkative people and noisy environments. If you identify as This is a nice, peppy book that seems designed to make introverts feel better about themselves. At least, it made me feel better.Dembling, who writes a blog for Psychology Today, delves into research about the differences between extroverts and introverts. I especially appreciated the information on Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), and I could relate to a lot of the examples she shared. She also gave advice on ways introverts can manage talkative people and noisy environments. If you identify as an introvert, you might find this book helpful and comforting. However, my favorite book on this subject is still Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, which I highly recommend.
    more
  • Kim
    January 1, 1970
    Chapter 27: "Fact 1: Some People Are Boring. Fact 2: You Are Not Obligated to Listen to Them."This book is boring. Dembling writes about introversion almost exclusively from within her own experience of that trait. There's a sprinkling of science, but mostly The Introvert's Way is a memoir of Dembling's own life as an introvert.Unfortunately, the type of introvert she is happens to be almost the exact opposite from the type of introvert I am. I found some of her writing helpful or recognizable: Chapter 27: "Fact 1: Some People Are Boring. Fact 2: You Are Not Obligated to Listen to Them."This book is boring. Dembling writes about introversion almost exclusively from within her own experience of that trait. There's a sprinkling of science, but mostly The Introvert's Way is a memoir of Dembling's own life as an introvert.Unfortunately, the type of introvert she is happens to be almost the exact opposite from the type of introvert I am. I found some of her writing helpful or recognizable: extraverts do tend to fill in my silence with their own meanings; I hate the telephone; I'm good at public speaking; and what makes any interaction worthwhile is a sense that I'm getting a return on my investment. But most of it...no.(view spoiler)[I'm shy; she's not. The idea of being a flâneur, which fills Dembling with joy, horrifies me: I may watch pedestrians outside a cafe window while I'm looking up from a book, but actually going somewhere just to sit and watch people makes me feel like a creep. Unlike Dembling, big and flashy parties don't bother me: if I'm in the mood to socialize, 50 people are no different from 10; if I'm not in the mood to socialize, even one chattering person will irritate me. For perhaps this reason, I've never, ever experienced that "introvert stupor" Dembling kept mentioning.Or maybe my lack of "introvert stupor" has more to do with the fact that my mind, while active and busy, never feels too full or full of noise, like Dembling's. Also unlike Dembling, I love to make decisions: I think quickly and make decisions quickly. (And as she herself quoted Dr. Robert Stelmack: "Speed of cognition is a function of intelligence, not personality. And the two are not highly correlated." So I'm honestly not sure why she kept harping on her slow thinking and decision-making as being an introverted tendency.) And also, I freaking love roller coasters...and even karaoke under the right circumstances, both of which Dembling hates. (hide spoiler)]This is not the introvert's way. It is an introvert's way. And it's an introvert's way that excludes rather than includes its own audience. It may be helpful for introverts who are really struggling to feel empowered in their tendencies and preferences toward solitude, but for those of us who've already figured out how to establish boundaries and catch a breath in the bathrooms and take a dose of socializing 'cuz it's good for us (even if it tastes bad), there's not much here.I did appreciate learning about the Cheek and Buss shyness scale and discovering that Jennifer Grimes' work may be worth looking into, but both of those are incidental to the bulk of Dembling's writing. If you're a confident and experienced introvert looking to be inspired, you're better off picking up Susan Cain's Quiet than The Introvert's Way.
    more
  • David
    January 1, 1970
    I wish I can quote almost half of the book. Sophia Dembling's The Introvert's Way: Living a quiet life in a noisy world was sharp, witty, and an easy read with a touch of research, psychology, insights from introverted people around the world, and her perspective of introversion, which is the heart of this book. Now, to begin with, I have been hunting this book for quite a long time already and I must admit it was such a struggle before I finally purchased it with a huge grin on my face. But I m I wish I can quote almost half of the book. Sophia Dembling's The Introvert's Way: Living a quiet life in a noisy world was sharp, witty, and an easy read with a touch of research, psychology, insights from introverted people around the world, and her perspective of introversion, which is the heart of this book. Now, to begin with, I have been hunting this book for quite a long time already and I must admit it was such a struggle before I finally purchased it with a huge grin on my face. But I must say it was worth the work I exerted because I finally came across a book that understands me in ways no other people around me can. You guys might ask, why did I even buy this book. Of course, the answer is obvious, I am an introvert. It is in the "about me" of my blog and I am not ashamed to say it so. Though, for me, it's more of a nature than a personality. But let me clear this. I am not a misanthropic/antisocial/friendless kind of guy. I have a few amount of friends and I actually have great socialization skills. But at the end of the day, I also long for moments when I would have the time to myself, either with a book on my hand, or tiring my eyes out in the virtual world.What I liked about this book though, was that it tackled the misperception of people towards introversion and how extroversion had since then been on the limelight. Of course, we can't deny, sometimes introversion is like a stigma, people would tell you that it's not a healthy personality. That we should come out of our shells and eventually get a life. That we are party haters, kill joys, and we suck on getting along with the crowd. That it is often connected to being shy, being lonely, people hating, or worst, sometimes they will ask you out of nowhere, do you have Asperger's? But in reality, we just view things way different from how extroverted people does. What can be the version of fun for them may not be fun for us. We think through the in-between of things, we are good listeners, and we carefully weigh our thoughts before we blurt it out from our mouths. The core of introversion and extroversion had long been an argument but it's always up to the people bearing these personalities on how they would live their lives the way they wanted it to be.This book isn't bias, let me say that. This book is for introverts to realize that having it is not something to be ashamed for. Instead it aims to help accept, understand, and live with introversion the same way people having different personalities. And as long as there is respect and understanding between both sides (introverts and extroverts) then it would unite and give balance to both parties and they can eventually become friends. Who knows, right? I am really glad I found this book. There were parts that I just stood in awe and felt silly of myself. I mean it was a relief, I am not the only person going through those things I thought that are not being felt/experienced by other people. I believe Sophia Dembling was able to fulfill what she intended to do on publishing this book and I am yet to read another book about introversion, Quiet by Susan Cain.
    more
  • Heidi The Reader
    January 1, 1970
    The Introvert's Way is a collection of Dembling's blog posts about introversion. It's engaging, but she writes as the royal "we" which I found distracting. No one has the authority to speak for introverts as a group. Right, introverts? *crickets*I loved how she cleared up some rather major misunderstandings that I've been running into my entire adult life, like this one: "When we want to, not-shy introverts can nut up to the task of being charming and witty. We can meet new people. We can start The Introvert's Way is a collection of Dembling's blog posts about introversion. It's engaging, but she writes as the royal "we" which I found distracting. No one has the authority to speak for introverts as a group. Right, introverts? *crickets*I loved how she cleared up some rather major misunderstandings that I've been running into my entire adult life, like this one: "When we want to, not-shy introverts can nut up to the task of being charming and witty. We can meet new people. We can start conversations and keep them rolling, and even draw shy people out, since we're good at not getting up in anyone's face and we're patient listeners... Introverts who are not shy are used to being told that they could not possibly be introverts. This can be irritating, but think of it as a teachable moment." pg 16-17Dembling gives some concrete ways in which introverts can improve their social skills: "If you're misinterpreted more often than not, you might need to give some thought to what your quiet is telling people. When you are sitting quietly, try to parse what kind of quiet you're feeling. "Leave me alone" quiet is different from "thinking hard" quiet, which is different from "enjoying watching the scene" quiet, which is different from "I'm totally overwhelmed, get me out of here" quiet. Once you have a sense of what you want to project, consider your body language. pg 37 My husband has expressed to me, many times, that he can't read my "quiet". This can be problematic because when I'm upset, I withdraw completely and, if he's not paying attention, he misses the whole thing. Maybe I should make some signs..."...with our deep listening habits and our hyperawareness and sensitivity, introverts are particularly susceptible to being sucked into the vortex of other people's demands and expectations, which can cause us to keep going long after we are completely drained of energy." pg 55 This is a legit problem. I'm from a large family of extroverts and I've learned that I have to draw very clear boundaries to preserve my space. There's an assumption that if I'm home that I'm not doing anything "important" and I should be willing to go out and do whatever it is that they're doing. Annoying. I know that they do it out of love and the desire to make me feel included, but sometimes, most times really, I just want to be left alone.This, just this: "Nine out of ten introverts agree: the telephone is the tool of the devil." pg 64 End of story. I can never think of anything to say while I'm on the phone, but after I hang up, I think of ten million things I could have said. It's a vicious cycle of terror and then regret. I'm over it.Dembling's "Affirmations for Introverts" are excellent. Here's my favorite: "I know what I need better than anyone else." pg 179It was encouraging to read about how some of my major personality quirks, which I have always viewed as flaws, are not really stumbling blocks at all. It's just how I interact with the world. I'm very fortunate in that my friends and family have accepted me for who I am, for the most part, and not pushed me to be someone that I'm not. I just wish that I had been more aware of what makes me happy and not been so hard on myself for so many years because I wasn't an extrovert. Wish I was good at parties, made small talk with ease, lit up a room with my mere presence, but I don't. And, at long last I realize: that's ok.If you're looking for more books on this topic, try The Power of Personality: How Introverts and Extroverts Can Combine to Amazing Effect by Sylvia Loehken or The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do by Sarah Knight (not necessarily a book on personalities, but I found it useful as a technique to manage my energy).
    more
  • Erin
    January 1, 1970
    'The Introvert's Way' makes a nice companion to Susan Cain's 'Quiet', another book about the glory of being an introvert, though it is also great as a stand-alone title. (I only mention it in conjunction with the latter because I read and loved them both) Dembling doesn't make the case that introversion is better or worse than being extroverted. Rather, she clearly illustrates the benefits and drawbacks of both. I found myself nodding in agreement through most of the book, as well as confronting 'The Introvert's Way' makes a nice companion to Susan Cain's 'Quiet', another book about the glory of being an introvert, though it is also great as a stand-alone title. (I only mention it in conjunction with the latter because I read and loved them both) Dembling doesn't make the case that introversion is better or worse than being extroverted. Rather, she clearly illustrates the benefits and drawbacks of both. I found myself nodding in agreement through most of the book, as well as confronting some biases and deep-seated resentment I had as introvert living within a culture that honours extroversion. As someone who, for most of my life, believed that something was wrong with me because I genuinely enjoyed being alone, it is rewarding to find out that, not is affinity for solitude normal, but it is also just as important as socializing to live a well-balanced life. This book, along with 'Quiet' is great for introverts and the people who love them. As a bonus, the author has an excellent sense of humour. I highly recommend this book.
    more
  • Doug
    January 1, 1970
    My extrovert wife and our two extrovert sons bought this for me for Christmas almost as a joke. There is a lot of truth in what the author says: there is nothing wrong with introverts. My introvert son gets to read read it next. Then maybe my annoyingly extrovert mother and brother.There is one thing I did not like. If we use the Myers-Briggs model, there are eight flavors of introvert, and the differences between being an I and an E are as important as the differences between being S-N, T-F or My extrovert wife and our two extrovert sons bought this for me for Christmas almost as a joke. There is a lot of truth in what the author says: there is nothing wrong with introverts. My introvert son gets to read read it next. Then maybe my annoyingly extrovert mother and brother.There is one thing I did not like. If we use the Myers-Briggs model, there are eight flavors of introvert, and the differences between being an I and an E are as important as the differences between being S-N, T-F or J-P. This book does remind us that all introverts are not alike but also tends to lump all eight flavors together, often implying some type of personal sensitivity that I imagine belongs to those who score high on the F dimension. As high scoring T, I don't notice how you feel, and unless there is a logical reason, I don't care.I still recommend that introverts read this and then they should loan it to their extrovert family and friends who are convinced we're handicapped and lonely.
    more
  • Jessica
    January 1, 1970
    4.5 stars. I got this from my library, but this is the type of book that I will be buying and rereading so I can highlight specific passages that really spoke to me. The author did a fantastic job of addressing every aspect and type of introversion. No one got left out! A must-read for anyone who even has traits of introversion, you will learn so much more about yourself!
    more
  • Deb
    January 1, 1970
    **Way to Be an Introvert**The Table of Contents is what sold me on this book. In and off itself, it captures the challenges, quirks, and perks of being an introvert:• Introverts Unite• What Would Jung Say?• The Great American Racket• Science Says We’re Not Necessarily Shy• Born to Be Mild• Quiet Riot• Just Intense Enough• The Slow Train of Thought• The Internal Flame• What Quiet Says• The Fertile Void• I Like to Watch• Energy In, Energy Out• “We Didn’t Know You Were an Introvert, We Just Thought **Way to Be an Introvert**The Table of Contents is what sold me on this book. In and off itself, it captures the challenges, quirks, and perks of being an introvert:• Introverts Unite• What Would Jung Say?• The Great American Racket• Science Says We’re Not Necessarily Shy• Born to Be Mild• Quiet Riot• Just Intense Enough• The Slow Train of Thought• The Internal Flame• What Quiet Says• The Fertile Void• I Like to Watch• Energy In, Energy Out• “We Didn’t Know You Were an Introvert, We Just Thought You Were a Bitch.”• Magic Words to Plug Energy Drains• Introverts Are Not Failed Extroverts• I Like People…Just Not All People All the Time• Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call…Well, No, Maybe We Won’t• We Gotta Fight for Our Right Not to Party• Loneliness Is a State of Mind• The Happiness Bias• Who’s a Narcissist? • Turning the Extrovert Advantage Upside Down• The Party Predicament• The Bathroom and Other Party Survival Skills• Hell Is a Cocktail Party• Fact 1: Some People Are Boring, Fact 2: You Are Not Obligated to Listen to Them• Saying Yes When You Want to Say No (and Vice Versa)• Extroversion in a Bottle• There Must Be Fifty Ways to Leave a Party• Life Through Introvert Eyes• “It’ll Be Fun!” They Say, But We Beg to Differ• Fun, Introvert Style• Friend, “Friends,” Acquaintances, and Why Bother?• The Online Extrovert• The Happy Noise of Extroversion• Because They Love You• Itty-Bitty Introverts• Love Us, but Leave Us Alone (Sometimes)• I F#&$ing Hate It When They Say That• A Team of One• Introvert Feats of Derring-Do• First, Leave the House and Other Tips for Making Friends• Mind Fullness to Mindfulness• Mistakes Introverts Make• Affirmations for Introverts• Middle Ground• C’mon People Now, Smile on Your BrotherNot surprisingly, the rest of the book is just as insightful, witty, and engaging. In addition to exploring, explaining, and validating the introvert’s way (which really is way cool once you can fully appreciate it), it helps introverts “calibrate our need for solitude with our need for human interaction.” (p. 70) And, to that end, the author offers some great affirmations (pp. 177-179):*Staying home is doing something.*My presence is a gift, not a requirement.*I like who I like.*Listening to bores is not my job.*Managing my energy is a favor to myself and everyone around me.*Saying no can be a kindness.*I can love other people and still not be responsible for their good time.*Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I have nothing to say.*Putting on my dog and pony show is optional.*A ringing phone is not a mandate.*I know what I need better than anyone else. *Other people’s desire for me to participate is not more important than my desire not to participate. If you’re an introvert, you’ll likely feel understood, inspired, and deeply entertained by this book. The book’s a breeze to read through—the only challenge might be finding a quiet spot in the noisy world where you can soak it all in. (And, of course, there’s no need to answer any phones while doing so.)
    more
  • Jessica
    January 1, 1970
    This is the second book I've read on the subject of introversion. I was lead to this book through Amazon recommendations after I read "Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. I loved that book and I always knew myself to be an introvert but had never done any real reading about what exactly makes someone an introvert. Susan Cain's book was marvelous and I found myself within those pages over and over.Sophia Dembling's book is not quite as substantial as This is the second book I've read on the subject of introversion. I was lead to this book through Amazon recommendations after I read "Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. I loved that book and I always knew myself to be an introvert but had never done any real reading about what exactly makes someone an introvert. Susan Cain's book was marvelous and I found myself within those pages over and over.Sophia Dembling's book is not quite as substantial as Susan Cain's, in that there is very little, if almost no science in it at all. It is basically a quick little read about her life as an introvert and a few tiny tips sprinkled in here and there. Most of the tips I found were about socializing, more specifically what to do about parties. I guess Ms. Dembling must get a lot of party invitations. I don't have that particular problem, so most of the tips were kind of irrelevant to my life. The subtitle "Living a Quiet Life In A Noisy World" is what drew me to purchase this book, but it's kind of misleading. I was looking for more substantial advice on how to actually live a quiet life in a noisy world. It should be "How I Sophia Dembling live a quiet life in a noisy world" If you're looking for a more in depth look at Why you or someone you love is an introvert, this book probably won't give you the answers you're looking for. If you're an introvert yourself and just looking for a quick little read (The Chapters are incredibly short, like 2-3 pages on average, so you can read through it quickly, and read through quite a few chapters without having to make a huge time commitment) I would recommend this book. If you're looking for more information about "Why" someone is an introvert, I would recommend "Quiet" by Susan Cain. This book is a nice lighter read after the heftiness of "Quiet" but I wouldn't recommend it as your "go-to" book about introversion.
    more
  • natercopia
    January 1, 1970
    Repetitive and the content only touches on the surface of the subject. I felt that the writer was indulging herself too much on her experience like a broken record.Here's an example: "I am a flâneur. Many of my best moments of travel have involved sitting and watching. In New York, I spend hours in Central Park, drifting from one bench to another to watch the passing scene. I did the same sitting alone under the long summer sun in the Vigeland sculpture garden in Oslo. In Venice, my husband and Repetitive and the content only touches on the surface of the subject. I felt that the writer was indulging herself too much on her experience like a broken record.Here's an example: "I am a flâneur. Many of my best moments of travel have involved sitting and watching. In New York, I spend hours in Central Park, drifting from one bench to another to watch the passing scene. I did the same sitting alone under the long summer sun in the Vigeland sculpture garden in Oslo. In Venice, my husband and I returned several times to a cafe table under a huge tree passing hours with snacks and cold drinks, watching Venetians go about their business. In Rome, my niece and I ended every day with gelato at a favourite spot outside Pantheon. Sitting, eating watching. Conversation optional.Sitting and watching is a complete feast for introvets' super sensitive sensory perception. We take it all in....the way people walk, how they dress, snippets of conversation.We take the time to notice what a place smells like. I like watching the light change as the afternoon winds down. I try to imagine the homes people are hustling to, heads down, filled with purpose, at the end of the day"Yeah, we get it already. Next.
    more
  • Zach Goldman
    January 1, 1970
    I was introduced to this book after reading an article by Sophia Dembling in the Wall Street Journal on December 14, 2012 entitled "All I Want for Christmas Is...A Little Space," so I picked up a copy of "The Introvert's Way" in hopes of learning more about introverts like myself. I was not disappointed.Ms. Dembling immediately dives into shattering the common misconceptions on introverts. Distinguishing shyness from introversion, she states "shy people are scared of socializing. Introverts just I was introduced to this book after reading an article by Sophia Dembling in the Wall Street Journal on December 14, 2012 entitled "All I Want for Christmas Is...A Little Space," so I picked up a copy of "The Introvert's Way" in hopes of learning more about introverts like myself. I was not disappointed.Ms. Dembling immediately dives into shattering the common misconceptions on introverts. Distinguishing shyness from introversion, she states "shy people are scared of socializing. Introverts just aren't always interested in it." She separates introverts into "shy" and "not shy" categories, shredding the common misconception of all introverts being the former. Because of society's preference for extroversion over introversion, a lot of the "not shy" introverts are able to give off the impression of being an extrovert when they really aren't. Ms. Dembling even cites a study that shows it's a lot easier for introverts to act as extroverts than it is for extroverts to act as introverts, perhaps because introverts are more experienced at putting on--as Ms. Dembling refers to it--the "dog-and-pony show."Moving beyond the comparisons between extroverts and introverts, this book does teach a lot to introverts about their own nature. She spends a bit of time talking about what introverts like to do, such as hiking, biking, kayaking, coffee shops, reading, walking, yoga, one-on-one conversations with good friends, writing, and other activities that encourage concentration and solitude. I'm personally interested in trying out her suggestion on mountain climbing, so perhaps other readers will be encouraged to try some of the other suggestions that Ms. Dembling says introverts like to do.Most of all, as a self-proclaimed introvert, I was already comfortable with my own nature. However, Ms. Dembling's book made me even more content with myself. She writes that extroverts and introverts are better off letting each other be themselves, since we won't be able to change the others' nature anyway (introversion will probably stick with you throughout your entire life, she writes in the aforementioned Wall Street Journal article). Since nobody can change an introvert's way, we may as well try to understand it. This book is a good place to start.
    more
  • Jeff Kelleher
    January 1, 1970
    Short, sharp, and funny.Once in a rare while, you come across a book that you can give to family, friends, spouses, or lovers and say, "If you really want to understand me, read this." Most of the time, expecting them to actually read the thing is an imposition. They had better have a large investment in you.Here, the book is such quick and funny reading that the imposition is slight. The payoff, though, is large. They will stop feeling offended when you just want to closet yourself and read; st Short, sharp, and funny.Once in a rare while, you come across a book that you can give to family, friends, spouses, or lovers and say, "If you really want to understand me, read this." Most of the time, expecting them to actually read the thing is an imposition. They had better have a large investment in you.Here, the book is such quick and funny reading that the imposition is slight. The payoff, though, is large. They will stop feeling offended when you just want to closet yourself and read; stop calling you antisocial for not wanting to go to a big loud party; appreciate more the ruminative insight that you have to offer. You, on your side, will be reminded that you owe them some compromises in return. For a divided extrovert/introvert couple or family, this is better than just about any therapy you could attend.This is the latest in the recent gush of introvert-extolling books. Chonologically, it was issued after Susan Cain's "Quiet" (reviewed by me elsewhere), but clearly most of it was written and posted earlier on author Dembling's blog. The Cain book is more elaborate and more scholarly, but there are so many similarities that it seems as if Cain just took this work and expanded it.Introverts are a quiet bunch, no better and no worse than extroverts, just different. But if you extroverts push us too far in demanding that we be like you we will, referring to a famous rant by the introverted "Twilight" actress, "go all Kristen Stewart on your asses."
    more
  • Amy
    January 1, 1970
    I've been reading Sophia Dembling's Introvert's Corner blog post for about a year, and I like her take on introversion. This is a breezy book about living a full life according to your own standards, not by an extrovert-rewarding society's standards. There are plenty of anecdotes and tips about carving out me-time or socializing without exhaustion which are useful. There's also a lot of empowerment if you're just starting to assert yourself as an introvert.As someone who's been upfront about my I've been reading Sophia Dembling's Introvert's Corner blog post for about a year, and I like her take on introversion. This is a breezy book about living a full life according to your own standards, not by an extrovert-rewarding society's standards. There are plenty of anecdotes and tips about carving out me-time or socializing without exhaustion which are useful. There's also a lot of empowerment if you're just starting to assert yourself as an introvert.As someone who's been upfront about my introverted streak for awhile, I would have liked to have read more diverse scenarios. The focus was predominantly on dealing with parties and other high-energy social gatherings. Many of the tips are things I've done for years, like not making plans the day after a large social event. I would have liked more about introversion in the workplace, for example. She touched on tips for cube and office workers who can tune out except for the occasional meeting. Many of us work with people, that's our job, working with people, be they customers, coworkers, patients, students, vendors. Introverts have the challenge of keeping a smile plastered on our faces for over 8 hours a day, when we think better when we're frowning. Our ears are glued to phones, even as our brains explode. We close off certain career arcs that would require us to be available by phone during our precious downtime. At work, we don't have the luxury of only dealing with people we like. Compared to navigating a workplace in which every task is optimized to extroverts, a party is really, well, a party. A bit more on introversion in relationships would have been helpful, balancing brain space in a shared living space. While having an introvert child was touched on, there was nothing about balancing energy and attention for introvert parents.So yes, I liked it, but I came away from it thinking that while it will help me with my already-healthy social life, I'll need to look elsewhere for tips on dealing with the relentless social contact of more mundane daily life.
    more
  • Michael
    January 1, 1970
    I recently discovered that I was an introvert about a year ago, this realization changed my life. I always been accused as the shy kid or the one that was antisocial cause I did not talk as often as everyone else. Most of my friends are extroverts, thus they assumed that I was arrogant or something that can change if I was outgoing. Only a selected number of them understood what introversion was, the others I keep justifying why I did not feel the need to go to parties to have a good time or tal I recently discovered that I was an introvert about a year ago, this realization changed my life. I always been accused as the shy kid or the one that was antisocial cause I did not talk as often as everyone else. Most of my friends are extroverts, thus they assumed that I was arrogant or something that can change if I was outgoing. Only a selected number of them understood what introversion was, the others I keep justifying why I did not feel the need to go to parties to have a good time or talk when there is nothing meaningful to say. Now I stopped trying to explain myself to people, cause I feel that it is just ignorant for to make accusations if you don't have a clue what you are talking about.This book had a lot of similarities to Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking to, but it was more persuasive than informative. I also thought that it cleared up the misconceptions about an introvert and how we should be able to live amicably with everyone. I can't say I agree with all the points in this book, such as fear of talking on the phone. Actually I don't mind talking on the phone, as long as there is a reason and not just calling cause you are "bored.".Solid book with great points, but most of it was rehearsed from articles I read.
    more
  • Charlene
    January 1, 1970
    I would not read this instead of Susan Cain's Quiet, but rather in additions to it. Almost any book about introversion is worth the read for me, and this was no exception. At times I was annoyed because the author made sweeping statements about extroversion, which were based on her type of introversion. The book also read more like an advice column than an academic survey of introversion. However, when she did survey some of the academic work associated with introvert related traits, e.g. the Bi I would not read this instead of Susan Cain's Quiet, but rather in additions to it. Almost any book about introversion is worth the read for me, and this was no exception. At times I was annoyed because the author made sweeping statements about extroversion, which were based on her type of introversion. The book also read more like an advice column than an academic survey of introversion. However, when she did survey some of the academic work associated with introvert related traits, e.g. the Big Five personality test, she did a really nice job of sifting through the test and pointing out what was wrong with it. The author didn't really convey and understanding of the complexities of being an introvert for parents who have children. So, I would say this book is better for 20 year olds who are breaking free from their family of origin but have not made new families themselves yet. I think her main goal was to present what she has observed while running her blog, something I might check out when I have time. Using many comments from her blog, she gave a voice to many different types of introverts.The take home message was in line with, "Can't we all just get along?, making it clear that extroversion was just as valid a way of life as introversion and that it's time for both sides to stop slinging insults.
    more
  • Karen Blinn
    January 1, 1970
    Since the publication of Quiet in 2012, introverts have started speaking up for themselves in numerous ways, including blogs and more books. This book by Dembling has the subtitle of "Living quiet in a noisy world". I very much enjoyed the first one-third or so of the book. As I read further, however, it dawned on me that the book is more than likely a re-working of entries from the author's blog. She focuses on introverts and parties as well as introverts' dislike of talking on the telephone i Since the publication of Quiet in 2012, introverts have started speaking up for themselves in numerous ways, including blogs and more books. This book by Dembling has the subtitle of "Living quiet in a noisy world". I very much enjoyed the first one-third or so of the book. As I read further, however, it dawned on me that the book is more than likely a re-working of entries from the author's blog. She focuses on introverts and parties as well as introverts' dislike of talking on the telephone in numerous chapters. More information on a broader array of topics would have been more helpful as opposed to more and more on the same subject matter. I pretty much had switched to "skim mode" by the time the end of the book rolled around. While the book makes some interesting points and will provide some degree of comfort and affirmation to other introverts, it's value is diminished by its repeated focus on a limited number of topics.
    more
  • Todd
    January 1, 1970
    This book was . . . meh. It had a few good points, several good chapters, but over-all it droned a bit about the same things. I would give it two and a half stars if Goodreads did half stars. Nonetheless, there's no need wasting any more time detailing something I thought was average, at best.
    more
  • Juliana Es
    January 1, 1970
    Insightful, engaging, enlightening.I never realised that I was (and still am) an introvert, until a psychology test (conducted by a professional), proved it. Since then, I had a big question mark about introversion, and this book answers a lot of doubts.
    more
  • Judith
    January 1, 1970
    Am I going to read this book again and take notes? Yes.Is 95% of my notes going to consist of the word 'same'? Also yes.
  • Yari
    January 1, 1970
    Excellent book! A quick read (short chapters) but full of good insight on managing our introversion. I feel a bit more confident in my introverted ways, unapologetically so. Thank you Sophia!
  • Felicite Reads
    January 1, 1970
    DNF. I'm not sure how far I got into this book before I decided it wasn't for me, but it wasn't far. While I can relate to a bit of what the author is writing about, it's more specific to her experiences, which is fine, but not what I had expected. This book feels like it came about due to constant harassment. Has the author had to explain herself and her introverted nature to people (friends and family included) over and over again? I've never experienced that, but for those who have, this book DNF. I'm not sure how far I got into this book before I decided it wasn't for me, but it wasn't far. While I can relate to a bit of what the author is writing about, it's more specific to her experiences, which is fine, but not what I had expected. This book feels like it came about due to constant harassment. Has the author had to explain herself and her introverted nature to people (friends and family included) over and over again? I've never experienced that, but for those who have, this book might be for you. It's just not for me.
    more
  • Mary Havens
    January 1, 1970
    Pithy is one word that describes this book (on the back cover) and the short chapters and snippets certainly make for a quick read. Some things I agreed with, some things I did not, but I really like how Dembling lined out introvert behavior. I guess I'm an ambivert or lean more towards intro than extro. I say, when my glass gets full, I need to take a break and that means solitude. I often have the feelings that Dembling described (feeling alone in a crowd of people, seeking solace in the bathr Pithy is one word that describes this book (on the back cover) and the short chapters and snippets certainly make for a quick read. Some things I agreed with, some things I did not, but I really like how Dembling lined out introvert behavior. I guess I'm an ambivert or lean more towards intro than extro. I say, when my glass gets full, I need to take a break and that means solitude. I often have the feelings that Dembling described (feeling alone in a crowd of people, seeking solace in the bathroom) but not all of them (I really love roller coasters!). But the book isn't written so everyone will agree with her.I even wrote down the Affirmations for Introverts because I have a lot of self-doubt, especially in large settings. And those doubts are often dismissed as "try to have more fun." Dembling seems to repeat herself which makes me think a large portion of this book is pulled from her magazine columns and essays. That's fine, it was just a bit weird. All in all, a quick read to learn more about your or others' introvert selves!
    more
  • Micheal
    January 1, 1970
    Thank you Sophia Dembling ,thank you very much for writing this book . I think it's about time that we speak out about these stupid stereotypes and made up labels.funny,Honest and informing specially for those who are in a relationship with an introvert. so as for the book :NO ,I don't envy extroverts that's absurd; I'm definitely not shy , while by nature I'm quiet, I have no problem talking to an individual or a big group of people, in fact public speaking is my favorite activity however I enj Thank you Sophia Dembling ,thank you very much for writing this book . I think it's about time that we speak out about these stupid stereotypes and made up labels.funny,Honest and informing specially for those who are in a relationship with an introvert. so as for the book :NO ,I don't envy extroverts that's absurd; I'm definitely not shy , while by nature I'm quiet, I have no problem talking to an individual or a big group of people, in fact public speaking is my favorite activity however I enjoy solitude and I love to be alone. I'm mostly awake at nights and busy with a book or some kind of thought or working on an Idea (if no work). 1-chit chat - Nicely mentioned by the author (I hate it)2-Stating the obvious - oh look a butterfly- I know. I have eyes.3- Why are you so serious? - I'm not , I love Comedy and satire - I just don't yell it 4- Please leave the room if you see me reading a book or when I'm writing .. stay with me but also leave me alone for some time.5- No I don't hate you , I'm just more comfortable spending time solo (again ,Nicely mentioned by the author)6- I have to be organized and have a plan for almost every thing (plz plz NO surprise parties)7- I looooooooooooooooooove parties (considering how rare one is in my country) it's just that I have to recharge after a while and you pushing me doesn't work as well as the intentions may be.8- I'm rude and frankly I have no problem with this one ;)9- I loooooooooove deep discussions (nicely mentioned by the author ) mostly philosophical or Cultural10- I hate sending massages and answering the phone so If an Introvert is doing this (at least as I do it for some people) plz know that, they probably like you a lot and it's nothing personal.11- Plz be quiet around me or lets have a looooooooooong discussion - yes it should be long or else it's no good.12- DON'T judge me ... when you have Sth on your mind just ask me and I'll answer you .
    more
  • Sarah
    January 1, 1970
    Super quick read, with short chapters. For me, it was helpful to recognize some of my "introverted" tendencies and preferences and get ideas for how to cultivate a healthy introversion (rather than deny and resist these). However, I have the same problem with this book that I have with all the personality typing books. Even though I relate to many of the behaviors of introverts that Dembling describes, I'm still resistant to the introvert label as such. I definitely act the way she describes int Super quick read, with short chapters. For me, it was helpful to recognize some of my "introverted" tendencies and preferences and get ideas for how to cultivate a healthy introversion (rather than deny and resist these). However, I have the same problem with this book that I have with all the personality typing books. Even though I relate to many of the behaviors of introverts that Dembling describes, I'm still resistant to the introvert label as such. I definitely act the way she describes introverts acting, but saying I am an introvert doesn't explain my whole personality.
    more
  • Lucy
    January 1, 1970
    A great book for introverts. No you're not shy, you're not lonely, you're not weak. You're not less than extroverts just because you like your own company. That's all right. This book can also help extroverts understand why introverts act the way they do. Highly recommended. I plan to read this again. I might even buy my own copy instead of just reading the library one.Chapters are short and include: Science says we're not necessarily shy; Born to be mild; Introverts are not failed extroverts; I A great book for introverts. No you're not shy, you're not lonely, you're not weak. You're not less than extroverts just because you like your own company. That's all right. This book can also help extroverts understand why introverts act the way they do. Highly recommended. I plan to read this again. I might even buy my own copy instead of just reading the library one.Chapters are short and include: Science says we're not necessarily shy; Born to be mild; Introverts are not failed extroverts; I like to watch; I like people, just not all people all the time; Hell is a cocktail party; Some people are boring - you are not obligated to listen to them. There's a chapter for extrovert parents of introvert children: they're okay, they're just not like you.
    more
  • Sharon
    January 1, 1970
    Where has this book been all my life! While parts of this book don't pertain, so much of it describes me exactly, that it is scary. I thought being a girl, a middle child or being left handed dominated my personality, but being an introvert and a pretty extreme one at that has affected my life way more then any of those other facets of my personality. Wow! I can't even begin to quote all of the passages that touched me. Truly a must read for introverts and should be high priority reading for ext Where has this book been all my life! While parts of this book don't pertain, so much of it describes me exactly, that it is scary. I thought being a girl, a middle child or being left handed dominated my personality, but being an introvert and a pretty extreme one at that has affected my life way more then any of those other facets of my personality. Wow! I can't even begin to quote all of the passages that touched me. Truly a must read for introverts and should be high priority reading for extroverts as well!
    more
  • Pgchuis
    January 1, 1970
    This has some funny paragraphs, but is nothing like as good as "Quiet". It was repetitive and the author seems to assume that all introverts are like her. I found her negative and quite cross with extroverts. Favourite bit - things introverts like: walking, reading, coffee shops, long meals with a good friend, having the house to themselves, knitting, art galleries and museums. Things introverts hate: karaoke, audience participation, costume parties, practical jokes.
    more
  • Stephanie
    January 1, 1970
    I liked this more than Quiet, by Susan Cain. Dembling's account seemed more straightforward and kind. It's not about fitting in in a world that is partially full of extroverts, but about being comfortable as you are. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is friends with another person, whatever their personality.
    more
  • Kevin Orth
    January 1, 1970
    As much memoir as treatise on introversion. Written very much from an anecdotal, personal experience, self exploration perspective. If you are looking for a well written, first person reflection this is a great read. If you are looking for a research project with lots of theory, broad study about introversion - you will need to look elsewhere.
    more
Write a review